JEFFREY DAIMOS, a delightful member of our Daemon-Noxvillian community, had the spotlight cast on himself recently when he crashed the gala event celebrating the engagement of the handsome BARON REGINALD OF THE PROVINCE OF FLYNN to lovely local socialite CONSTANCE DELATIKIHEAD. Constance, of course, is the adopted daughter of beloved casino entrepreneur JOSEPH "ESPRESSO JOE" DELATIKIHEAD. Young Mr. Daimos has subsequently returned to Mr. Delatikihead's casino as a blackjack dealer. Rumours flitter about, as always, about the nature of his relationship with the glamourous Miss Delatikihead! Of particular interest to this columnist is the appearance of Miss Constance at the funeral of MICHAEL WIGGLY, son of local business pig STEVEN WIGGLY, proprietor of the GO TO MARKET grocery store on Pollen Highway Road. Michael tragically passed away recently after a prolonged illness. He is survived by his father, mother MARY and younger sister LOLITA. Our deepest condolences go out to the Wiggly family. A new face in Noxville was also spotted at the Wiggly funeral-- none other than THE QUEEN OF THE FAERIES. We at the Journal had no idea the Faery people even had a Queen until she came down from her luxurious quarters on DEATH MOUNTAIN for a prolonged visit to Noxville. Her Highness is now situated in the beautiful RHAPSODY SUITE of long-time local inn DEATH MOTEL, which is run by the SCARY SKELETON family.

If you're curious what real Royalty enjoys for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Her Highness seems to favour BANQUET BURGERS washed down with EARL GRAY TEA, if our spies at the NYX FAMILY DINER are to be believed! MITZI NYX, a waitress at the diner (and daughter of diner propritor and Noxville Chamber of Commerce Board member STANLEY NYX), has been overheard muttering "Good night nurse! Where does she put it!" after witnessing the Faerie Queen put back a burger, a plate of POUTINE, and a slice of RED VELVET CAKE in one sitting. Another new face in our fair town is the newest chanteuse at Tikihead's Casino and Nightclub, MISS LOTUS FRUMPENSTEIN. No one is sure where Miss Frumpenstein hales from originally, but she and her smooth singing voice will always be music to this slug's ears! If I had ears. THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Local wags have noticed something peculiar-- how is it that we've never seen the Queen of the Faeries in the same room as Lotus Frumpenstein?? Could it be a feud between the diva and the monarch?