MONSANTO PRESENTS...Amazing facts about cleanliness and health! Just how amazing are these facts? Do they in fact involve cheerleaders? Will they include other MONSANTO innovations like saccharin, Agent Orange and Bovine Growth Hormone? Let's find out!
The archeologists of the MONSANTO Corporation have uncovered conclusive evidence proving Neanderthal Man took baths. Little stone duckies, towel racks made from mastodon bones, soap dishes from the skulls of giant cave bears...that's pretty amazing, all right.
Foolish Westerner, we speak not of physical cleanliness, but cleanliness of the SOUL!
And from pagan worship comes clean laundry. Who says the old gods are worthless?
Women of the 1930s gaze lovingly at the machine that will replace old drudgery with... NEW drudgery.
It's the middle of WWI and you're complaining about lackluster detergents? Consider yourself lucky.
Chuckling, paternalistic male scientists take time off from poker and cigars to whip something up for the little woman. Hey, if it doesn't have suds, how will the ladies know it's working? Throw in some suds!
In our brave postwar world we must face our problems head-on in a firm and determined fashion. Hard water! Too many suds! Motor overload! Who will help? MONSANTO!
Whew! Thanks to MONSANTO all our problems are solved with one handy washing miracle - "All"!
So, the "little men" are strongly attracted to dirt. That's probably more than I needed to know about the "little men."
Hosing, picking, smashing, juggling - all the earmarks of a circus clown act, or a good detergent.
Here's a laundry "quick quiz". Three guesses which detergent is the answer to every question!
Oh, you peeked.
Now here's a handy stain removal chart. Unlike the "laundry quick quiz", this chart doesn't sugarcoat the tough business of stain removal - the modern housewife must not only have a miracle detergent like "All", but she also requires lard, bleach, boiling water from a height of 3 feet, acetone, hydrogen peroxide, and carbon tetrachloride. So when you're done with the laundry you can whip up some crystal meth!
Together with MONSANTO our American housewives can look forward to a future of little men attracted to dirt, carbon tetrachloride, and behind it all - "All"!
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