Space Man! Existing at will in our three-dimensional universe! Able to move about in Space from point A to point B! Star of the most generically named science fiction comic ever published! Wow, "Space Man". I bet that just flew off the racks.
Our titular hero wears a skintight turtleneck dyed to match his hairpiece, and apparently is involved in outer space duels where different kinds of light fixtures battle to the death. Or maybe those are like cymbals and bells, it's like a fight in marching band class. At night.
Yeah, turn up that sound detector! In space! Turn it up all the way! Past eleven! You be detectin' all kinds of sounds!
(NOTE TO ARTIST) Just... um, draw some globes, and a pointy saucer thing, and some explosions. And it has to be in space. Or maybe some truck exhaust, whatever works for you. I don't care. I need it by five, okay?
In the future we'll be taking dedicated people and turning them into cyborgs, which means they dress like ninjas and talk through their chests. The space condition they usually have to live under is "shame".
"That enemy must be stopped! Pardon me while I extract this giant fuzzy caterpillar from my nose!"
Here we see Space Man Ian Stannard demonstrating a skill all space heroes must possess - the ability to instantly discern whether a room is DARK or LIGHT. As a bonus he can determine - WITHOUT scientific instruments of any kind - that IF a room has light fixtures, it's because SOMEBODY PUT THEM THERE. You are truly a genius, Space Man!
Sounds to me like they've wandered into a Marilyn Manson concert! Thank you, you're beautiful, I'm here all week.
Here in our special double-truck two page spread we learn several things - that sensitive machines think for themselves, that breaking short wave circuits will cause computers to set you on fire, and that moustache-yanking guy was not actually moustache-yanking guy after all. Plus, Space Man kind of looks like John Kerry.
Moustache guy was actually diamond-headed guy whose disbelief in sensitive machines killed him. Believe in sensitive machines, kids!
It is QUITE APPARENT to Space Man that his chums are about to be slammed to the floor! Or, maybe just crushed to death. So maybe the floor slamming wasn't that apparent after all! I'm beginning to question Space Man's certainty. That room might not even have lights in it.
Some philosophical computer reasoning from Mister Blue Hair Light Detectin' Man. Mmm, hash.
If you THOUGHT it was the guy hypnotizing you, why didn't you SAY SOMETHING?? As if you cyborgs weren't embarrassed enough by your little ninja outfits!
Remember kids, YOU CAN'T HYPNOTIZE MACHINES, not even really smart ones. GIVE A HOOT - DON'T HYPNOTIZE MACHINES. PEACE OUT from SENATOR JOHN KERRY - SPACE MAN!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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