EPHEMERAL DANCE CRAZE COMICS PRESENTS THE FIRST IN A SERIES OF ONE:
Remember that one song that propelled Chubby "I guarantee I am not dead" Checker to overnight stardom and condemned him to a lifetime of performing it over and over until he just wanted to scream? That's right, it's "The Twist"! Join Dell as it capitalizes on the confusion and repressed sexual tension of a pre-Beatles America!
The story so far: pizza restaurant loses customers with Italian music while the help rocks out to "The Twist" in the kitchen!
Our restauranteur reminds us to not mess around with Italians, capiche, as he dispatches his waitstaff to commandeer patrons from the dance club across the street. Luckily, hordes of New Yorkers are just standing around waiting for a clear 18 inches to open up somewhere so they can do "The Twist".
This panel utilizes some rejected lyrics from the song "The Twist", as Hank Ballard felt audiences would not relate to the line "Come on Helga, let's do the twist." Except for Hagar the Horrible.
And here we seen those happy young people consumed with joy as they, finally, DO THE TWIST!
Well, some of those young people don't look so happy.
In fact they look confused and tired, with the realization that they've fallen for yet another cheesy manufactured "teen craze" designed to separate them from their allowance and keep them distracted until they get drafted and sent to Vietnam.
But enough of that. How, exactly, does one DO "The Twist"? Let's learn!
That's right, "The Twist" was invented by a crewcut white man. Thank you Dell, for continuing the proud White tradition of co-opting African-American culture! And what's the most important thing we've learned about "The Twist"?
NEVER TOUCH YOUR PARTNER. Wait 'til you're married!
Our story of the Pizza-Disco War continues as our intrepid Twist Hero Jerry investigates the goings-on at the disco and learns the shocking truth - they've been letting people dance to RECORDED MUSIC! Oh, the horror! Luckily America learned the truth and nobody ever danced to records ever again.
Eventually the Twist Battle moves out into the street and two rival gangs carve each other up with switchblades. We wish.
Naturally this attracts the attention of the police.
Too bad they're ALSO hooked on "The Twist" and instead of solving crimes they're gyrating stiffly around the precinct, waiting to arrest some teenagers who can show them the REAL way to do this incredibly complicated dance! In a few years, in the midst of tear gas and riots, the police will look fondly back at the "Great Twist Mass Arrest Of 1962."
That's right, white boy, YOU invented "The Twist". Keep telling yourself that. Here's your robe, the cross burning is at 9pm, don't be late.
And we close with a final six-panel comedy strip - about prisoners, recidivism, the challenge of reintroducing rehabilitated inmates to society - and "The Twist"!
World War Two, the rise of Communism, the Atom Bomb, war, disease, starvation, McCarthyism.... that's all PEANUTS compared to "The Twist"!
And remember, if by this time you're thoroughly sick of hearing about "The Twist".... just think how Chubby Checker feels.
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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