Sure, everybody's all about saving the Earth... now. But back in, well, there isn't a date on this comic, but I'm gonna say the 1970s - back in the 1970s if you decided to dump your trash in the Maritime Provinces of Canada, you had to answer to one man - CAPTAIN ENVIRO!!
He uses his mighty powers to keep the Maritimes green! Captain Enviro --wearing what appears to be a modified sanitation worker's outfit-- isn't about to let a little thing like a dislocated knee stop him from flying into outer space and smacking monsters around. But where does pollution come from, anyway?
Why it comes from outer space, of course. In fact there's an entire polluted planet that somehow is getting cleaner, and so the Pollutians decide that instead of polluting the non-polluted regions of their polluted planet, they will travel millions of miles across space to pollute a relatively clean planet. And people say the space program has no real purpose!
Looking to enjoy verdant, unspoiled wilderness? For your next vacation, take a tip from outer space pollution monsters and visit the Maritimes!
So, our first contact with alien beings is (a) made by a guy in a green coverall and a yellow hard hat, and (b) is in Fredericton. I can't say I saw either of those coming.
I don't know if these are so much pollution creatures as they are just ugly people with really severe phobias.
Luckily their polluting rampage is halted by Captain Enviro. Look out man, anybody willing to ship thousands of gallons of sewage through interstellar space... these are some seriously crazy dudes, I'm just saying.
Captain Enviro uses his rubbery yet tightly muscled limbs to dispense Earthly anti-pollution justice! It looks like the Maritimes are saved from pollution forever! And yet we're about to learn of Captain Enviro's one weakness...
Drugs! Yes, the "magic mind pollutant" - dispensed with a Jack Chick "HAW!" - turns the boring, platitude-spouting Captain Enviro into... a boring platitude-spouting TRASH-LOVING Captain Enviro. This is kind of like when you take drugs and suddenly that Pink Floyd record is the GREATEST THING EVER.
Okay Captain Enviro, I'll bite... just HOW important is it to litter? Kind of important? Extremely important? Not important at all? I don't know what degree of importance littering should be assumed to have when your statements are so ambiguous!
So basically kids will do whatever people in green suits tell them to do. And you just have to let them go and do their thing! Luckily two kids - two exceptionally smart children - realize something's wrong. The rest of the kids understand that adults change their minds all the time.
Remember those two smart kids who realized something was wrong and tried to figure out how to fix things? Well, too bad, because Captain Enviro was saved thanks to a pop bottle, and those two kids had nothing to do with it.
And here again we see that kids will do whatever the green-suit guy tells them to do. Don't pollute! Pollute! Don't pollute! As long as they're keeping out of trouble.
Witness the brutal murder of Ed Asner. DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE - THE SILENT KILLER!!
Well, the Pollutian invaders are gone. Yet somehow we need to keep vigilant against pollution, even though this comic is strangely silent about where this pollution might possibly be coming from. If only all society's problems could be blamed on grotesque space monsters...
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