Return with us now to the fondly-remembered Silver Age of comics, as clean-cut Kennedy-era heroes battled injustice! And no injustice was fought harder than that which was fought by the Justice League!
The Justice League's back-patting session of wishing more disasters would befall humanity - so that they can play hero again - is interrupted as they turn into smoke. Good thing too, because all that ego-stroking gives me a pain.
Turns out the Smoke Justice League was actually a whirling tornado-like creature from the planet Rann who fought Adam Strange a few months back! Wow, the Silver Age is only a few years old and already we're hamstringing it with continuity. Also apparently we've run out of DECENT supervillains, and are forced to resort to weather patterns.
Tired of getting his windy ass handed to him, Mister Tornado decides to fight for justice. His method of fighting for justice is to create an exact duplicate of Earth and exact duplicates of the Justice League. This is like the time I defeated Hitler's Germany in World War Two by playing with my green plastic army men in the back yard when I was 6.
As the nine separate multi-entity Justice League dopplegangers remind themselves that since they're good they will automatically always win, so why bother, ANOTHER tornado creature rises from the depths of the ocean. The ocean on the duplicate Earth, remember.
And the duplicate Long Island is destroyed as duplicate Long Islanders with duplicate loafers and baggy socks flee while a duplicate Batman's plan to drop acid on the crystal monster backfires right in his duplicate face!
Obligatory 'this makes me feel kind of... funny' Wonder Woman bondage panel.
This sequence marks the only DC comic story that featured a gorilla, and yet FAILED to prominently display the gorilla on the cover doing something incongruous, like checking out library books or keeping little humans as pets. Somebody probably lost their job over this one.
I love this panel, not just because Aquaman is covered in eels, but because Flash just looks like he has a mild headache. I suppose I'd look depressed too if I was Green Arrow.
So, here's where we get that scene of the Justice League being sucked into the nozzle of jet airplane. Only it isn't a jet, and that isn't the Justice League. In fact this comic book is more than half over and we haven't really seen the Justice League at all! So to rectify the situation and figure out how to defeat the evil tornado, the good tornado will create a fake evil tornado and send it to the real Earth to fight the real Justice League to get ideas on how to battle the real evil tornado on the fake Earth. Nothing like those bold, uncomplicated Silver Age stories!
Remember all that stuff that happened on the fake Earth with the fake Justice League? Well, the exact same thing happened on the real Earth with the fake tornado guy, including Wonder Woman getting tied up, can't forget about that. However, we get some classic super-hero problem solving action where the logic chain goes from atomic radiation to geography to a editor's note invoking the Continuity God to split personalities involving atomic radiaton and fighting as a team.
Also, Sad Batman.
So, fighting as a team means Green Lantern shoots it with a ray. That's some teamwork there guys. Our tornado hero now has confirmation that good will triumph over evil, which he learned by creating a giant monster and having it destroy half of America so that the Justice League could fight it. This must be some new definition of "good" of which I was previously unaware.
We are now back on Tornado Fake Earth, where the fake Justice League is flying to meet the menace of the evil tornado, which apparently is the evil spirit of the good tornado. Please note the last panel, which features the Green Lantern Old Fashioned Porch Swing. And if Batman's there, who's flying the Batplane?? The fake Batplane?
And so through mumbo-jumbo and calculation, the evil tornado which was part of the good tornado, was destroyed forever and will no longer menace the duplicate fake Earth created by the tornado champion, who muses that everything would have turned out OK even if the Justice League hadn't been involved in the slightest. And if that isn't a satisfying ending to a story, I don't know what is!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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