HEE HEE HEE HEH HEH HEUK AHUK COUGH COUGH COUGH AHEM Hey there kiddies, it's your old UNCLE STUPIDY, the STUPID KEEPER of the VAULT OF STUPID! Ready for a TAIL that will drive you HOWLING MAD with irritation? Have we got a horror-ible story for YOU!It's a over-inked pre-Code yarn full of ghosts, werewolves, cars, girls, and guys who won't take "no" for an answer that we call - THE FANGS OF THE FIEND!! HEE HAW HAW COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH OH JESUS COUGH COUGH COUGH
Jim is frozen with polite interest as Nora does her best Joan "STRAIGHTJACKET" Crawford imitation!
While rummaging through Uncle Fred's place, Jim and Nora are puzzled by a strange necklace, stalked by a horrible thing hovering from the deepening gloom, and are asked to invite their friends over for a haunting. Don't lose your nerve folks, this story's just started to get stupid!
IN A BROODING CORRIDOR TOUCHED BY THE DREAD OF THE UNSEEN - - Jim's really interested in why ghosts are interested in pointed fangs. Nora doesn't care, but she does whatever Jim says. Jim's a man, you have to do whatever they say.
Jimmy boy figures if the ghost wants the fang necklace to stay with the crazy moaning urns, then by golly, that's just what he's NOT gonna do! What does he know, he's just a ghost! JIM makes the decisions around HERE!
I've already figured out the shock ending to this story - Jim turns out to be kind of a dick. God forbid Nora should, you know, make important real estate decisions for herself.
WAY TO GO JIM, you've wrecked the car AND bathed the voodoo fangs in human blood! ROCK ON JIM!
Jim's tough-guy ghost defiance is interrupted by the appearance of what appears to be a bearded hillbilly with claws, fangs, and baggy trousers. I think "lurches into being in a surge of evil" is another way to say "had Mexican for dinner."
So, let's recap- Asshole Jim is obsessed with a fang necklace which is wanted by the ghost who is frightened by the werewolf, who was brought into being by getting the fangs bloody and who is, in turn, scared by graveyards. Happens all the time.
Even when ripped from jaws and made into jewelry, werewolf fangs can still bite and turn others into werewolves! I did not know that. Way to go JIM!! You are fucking EVERYTHING up tonight!
"Also, my hand feels really weird."
Adding yet another wrinkle to the werewolf legend, we now learn that werewolves like to watch. But not in graveyards, because they fear the dead, which is why they kill people. Or something.
The shadows disgorge a burden of evil! Maybe the shadows should cut down on their drinking!
And inside the house the comically-painted burial urns release the spirits of what appear to be beatniks, startling the werewolf, whose wolfishness is, as always, accentuated by his neat slacks. Also Nora does her "Aunt Fritzi" imitation.
With a spectacular burst of exposition Uncle Fred returns to the afterlife, and Jim babbles a lot of nonsense to cover up the fact that he alone has caused EVERY SINGLE BIT of this night's horror and terror. Next time keep your big nose out of other people's stuff, jerky. I might also point out that Jim wrecked their car five pages ago -
--so what the hell are they driving? Did this story not insult us ENOUGH?
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