DATELINE 1962! The place: the New York City offices of Marvel Comics! Inside, dynamic editor Stan Lee confers with star artist Jack Kirby on adding another superhero to their growing roster of new-style Marvel characters!
STAN: Yo Jack, word up my homey! Listen I am thinking for the next issue of JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY we should do, I dunno, some kinda Norse god thing, some kind of thunder-god sort of guy with a hammer.... you know...

JACK: You mean Thor, the god of thunder? The dude Thursday is named after?

STAN: Exactly. Thor. You think you can handle that?


JACK: You bet your sweet a** I can.


JACK: In fact I handled that sh** FIVE YEARS AGO, you JIVE-A** MOTHERFU** (at this point in the transcript Jack Kirby starts trash-talking in Dolemite fashion and the conversation is no longer relevant to our discussion.)
Seriously though the point here is that five years before Marvel Comics' Thor, Kirby was over at DC doing a short story starring Thor and the hammer and all that stuff. Though we've got to remember this is a Tale Of The Unexpected so get ready for anything!


Weasley guy and Indian Companion find Thor's Hammer lying around and it turns out if you smack things with it, thunder and lightning and rain ensue. Also it helps in defeating Stone Men from Saturn.


As a weasely guy out for an easy dollar, our hero sets himself up as a rainmaker bringing rain to drought-ridden towns in the West and making a tidy profit in the meantime. And we're all shocked! How dare Thor's Hammer be used for peaceful agricultural purposes? Why, any opera Richard Wagner wrote about THIS would wind up being incredibly tedious and boring!


What's this? Weasely guy suddenly realizes that he could just use the power of Thor's Hammer to eliminate the middleman and directly transfer the town's cash into his pockets? And it only took him four pages. A foolproof plan! The only thing that could stop him now would be the appearance of the actual god Thor!


OH CRAP


(guitar solo) THOR RULES!! (guitar solo) WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (guitar solo) ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!!!!!!


Yeah, throw Thor's Hammer at Thor. THAT'S wise.
Also, and I want to point out here, that Thor accuses Weasley guy of using his hammer for evil purposes. But the fact is that Weasely guy actually DID make it rain. It's not like he promised rain and didn't deliver. Sure, he THOUGHT about robbing the bank... but he didn't actually DO it. How evil is that, honestly? Not that evil.


Here we learn that the hammer's power turns Thor into the Jolly Green Giant. Or perhaps Santa Claus, what with the beard and the Ho Ho Ho.


YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR EVIL WAYS OF OVERCHARGING FOR RAIN AND THINKING ABOUT ROBBING THE BANK! HO HO HO! ALSO THANKS FOR FINDING MY HAMMER WHICH I WAS UNABLE TO DO EVEN THOUGH I'M A GOD AND YOU'RE JUST A WEASELY GUY! HO HO MERRRRRY CHRISTMAS!


And with a kouple of klassic Kirby panels of driven-to-madness Weasely Guy, we take our leave of Thor, as he prepares to give Loki a jolly hammering. So long Thor! See you in a few years!

Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!

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