Marvel Comics turns 70 this week, and to salute the comic book publishing giant we thought we'd take a look back at one of their most influential stories from the Golden Age Of Comics, a tale from ALL-WINNERS COMICS #1 that combines the finest elements of what makes comic books so special. Namely, guys in silly costumes punching undead Nazi zombies.
If you're a comfortable middle class sort of guy, what's likely to frighten you? The walking dead? Maybe. The HOMELESS walking dead? With knives sticking STRAIGHT THROUGH THEM? Now we're talking.
Great Moments In Stilted Dialog, Part XVI: "Running amok, eh, you bum?"
Armies of hobos attack the New York docks! And what makes this different from any other day? Torches.
ZOMBIES BUCKY! THEY'RE ZOMBIES! Fun fact: in 1956 the formation of the Comics Code forbade the use of the word "zombie" in a comic book, probably because of this very story.
Luckily Steve Rogers and Bucky can turn into Captain America and, uh, Bucky, and this allows them to beat hell out of people.
Oh, nothing, it's just that I'll lie awake in bed all night tonight thinking of a zombie face sinking slowly beneath the polluted waves of New York Harbor, hissing KILL! DESTROY! BURN!! Not creepy in the slightest, oh no sir. Good thing this comic can't get any creepier.
Well, at least the Lord Of Death is enjoying things.
Yeah, good idea Cap, stop the zombies from destroying the bridge by... um... destroying the bridge. Well, that's OK, like all superheroes you're a masked vigilante in no way accountable for your actions.
Dead bodies hung from hooks, severed heads in jars... is the correct response really "Say, wot is dis joint?" And by the way WE WERE PROMISED HOBO ZOMBIES WITH KNIVES STUCK STRAIGHT THROUGH THEM, come on Simon & Kirby, don't let us down!
YESS!! ZOMBIE WITH KNIFE STUCK STRAIGHT THROUGH HIM! FINALLY!!
And after armies of zombies, destroyed bridges, and the threatened destruction of America at the creepy hands of the undead, our story ends with a few punches. Let the cops pry him loose and clean up the messes made by my rash vigiliantism! What do we pay them for anyway?! Boy, you know what this story needs to really wrap things up? A phone call from Hitler.
And as our tale concludes with fart noises directed at spluttering dictators, we take our leave of Captain America and Bucky and their zombie-fighting Marvel Comics pals. Happy birthday Marvel - never forget your lurid, trashy roots!!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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