WE DARE YOU to read these Witches Tales! Actually first we DARE YOU to examine this cover. Hideous monsters leaping out of a box menace an explorer stylishly attired in a shorts and pith helmet ensemble that includes a handy flashlight capable of facing to the left, yet shining to the right. And over in the corner coming through the door, it's the witch! HAY GUYZ WHATS GOING ON?? And as always, no story in this comic even remotely comes close to matching anything happening on this cover. In fact the story we're covering today is about a tree. SCARY EH KIDS???
Hi there! We're having a doom and I was wondering if you'd like to come along! It'll be great! Just come by around 7, you don't have to dress up. Bring something to drink. Also a giant evil tree will crush your sternum. See you then!
Okay. Here's a guy injecting sap into his veins. He thinks maple syrup is the Secret Of Life. BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MAPLE SYRUP EDUCATION COUNCIL.
"Some... something must have--gone--wrong!" Buddy. You're mainlining TREE SAP. You were wrong from the get-go.
slithering through his blood like a SLIMY DRIPPING REPTILE, the FOUL FLUID mixes metaphors and turns Alan into a gnarled old tree-man ready to scare the hell out of Dorothy in that "Return To Oz" movie from the 80s that nobody watched.
That's right, shooting up sap is the GREATEST EXPERIMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN. I think the world needs to aim a little higher. Plus, what is the deal with that car? Something's wrong with that car.
Martha finds herself strangely attracted to this new tree in the front yard, the one with hands and a face. It can only lead to tragedy.
Ladies and gentlemen we now have confirmation that what we are about to witness is more evil than the black mass which is, of course, attended by howling demon worshippers of Satan. Please brace yourselves.
Hey, that tree is leaking a fluid - and yet these guys aren't immediately injecting it into their veins? What's their problem? That's good tree, man!
And of course there's always gotta be one pointy-headed intellectual who wants to spare the tree for a short while for science. He wants to try to REASON with the monster. We don't have time for that, Poindexter! Lives are at stake! Now let's all go away and let the tree roam the countryside killing at random. Better than science.
The tree-man mystery - solved by a guy running into the room brandishing a copy of WITCHES TALES #7.
"A vegetable instinct to kill members of the animal kingdom". Because... vegetables have instincts? What?
Don't cut it down, in time it could become a normal tree and we only have a few billion of those! But the words of vegetable instinct man are ignored as the bloody killer tree is bloodily hacked to bits with an axe and set on fire, screaming. Nightmares about killer trees? Oh, I'm sure you're much too old for nightmares. Pleasant dreams kids, nighty night! And remember, take a tip from your killer tree-man friend, don't get high with tree sap. It's just not worth it.
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