So-called "history books" will tell you that England was last successfully invaded in 1066 when the Normans took the country away from the Anglo-Saxons, who had previously taken it away from the Celts, who took it away from the Lucky Charms leprechaun and the guy who sells Irish Spring. And Tom Jones. But those history books are obviously misinformation designed to hide THE TRUTH which was preserved hidden away where nobody would ever find it - inside comic books!


Remember in 1993 when Britain was overrun by the Kirganis? News of this invasion was released to the general public only sparingly as to not cause a panic. In fact the only publication to announce this invasion was D.C. Thompson's "Victor" in the serial story "Will O' The Whistle." Additionally, they took the extra precaution of printing this news 20 years before the fact! Those brutal Oriental Kirganis are no match for the British, who have already blown up a dam and drowned the elite Kirgani Skull Division.


Unfortunately the British were using nuclear weapons that were prone to become unstable when damp. That's not such a good thing to have in England, which is not known for bright sunshiney dry weather. The ease of the Kirgani invasion makes a little more sense now.


But our plucky resistance fighters continue to deal punishing blows to the Kirgani as we see in this exciting railway chase sequence where the British defeat the Kirgani train by the clever stratagem of going real fast, and then slowing down, and then going fast again. But was this the only invasion of Britain by heretofore unheard of Asian nations? Asian nations that were probably invaded themselves by the British in the 18th or 19th centuries and are only getting their own back? No sir!


In JUDY, another DC Thompson comic, a completely different story about a completely different invasion of Britain by a completely different made-up foreign nation was running concurrently with "Will O' The Whistle"! I guess DC Thompson figured that boys read boys comics and girls read girls comics and never the twain would meet. Will a young school teacher play a role in defeating the Kushanti Tiger Troops? Well, this is a British girls comic, so if she isn't preoccupied with horses, ballet dancing, or trying to get her dad out of jail, yes!


What I like about the Kushantis is not only their failure to recognize poisonous berries and mushrooms, but the fashionable miniskirt-gogo boot outfits for their lady auxiliaries.


Wendy's just wandering around checking out the Kushantis puking all over the place. They heard the food in England was bad, but this is ridiculous!


Luckily for England there are always lots of bicycle riding children hanging around ready to use their bicycles to generate electricity. We'll defeat the Kushantis AND reduce carbon emissions at the same time!


The Tiger Troops are defeated by a series of prank phone calls and soon, after three panels of marching, the world was free. What a battle that was! Is England now forever safe from invasion by fake Asian nations? Can we relax our guard and return to being a nation of shopkeepers and soccer rioters? Sure. Relax. Everything's fine.


AAUUUGGHHH!! HOLY CRAP POST OFFICE TOWER BEEN BLOWN UP BY PARATROOPERS FROM THE VOLGAN REPUBLIC OF ASIA!! Yes, in the first issue of famous weekly comic 2000AD, Britain was once again invaded by evil soldiers from a non-existent country that we swear to God isn't meant to represent any country that speaks Slavic languages and uses AK-47s. And it will take more than trains or poisonous mushrooms or bicycles to defeat this enemy!


There's one thing the Volgans hadn't counted on, though - that Bill Savage, truck driver, firearms enthusiast, and the HARDEST MAN IN BRITAIN, would take offense at having his home and family killed, and would get out "his shooter" and exact bloody vengeance on the Volgan Army, one shotgun blast at a time. Here we see Savage "greasing his cannon" and enjoying a TV speech from the new quisling Prime Minister who looks like a hippy satanist from a Chick comic.


Wandering occupied Britain with resistance fighter Lieutenant Silk, Savage occasionally finds himself trapped by Volgans when he stops to take a bath. Luckily (or unluckily for anyone downwind of him) that doesn't happen often. How will Savage extricate himself from this situation?


By merrily shooting the Volgans with his shotgun, of course. Savage continued his one-man war against the Volgans until a combined American-Canadian-expat British invasion force wrested control of England away from the Volgans. Writer Pat Mills would then combine elements of "Invasion" with his robot adventure strip "Robusters" to create "The A.B.C. Warriors", in which the war against the Volgans was fought with intelligent robots. Later he'd combine "A.B.C. Warriors" with his mystical alien strip "Nemesis" and turn the whole thing into a boring, incomprehensible mess, and one of the ABC Warriors would make a cameo in the Sylvester Stallone JUDGE DREDD movie, also a boring imcomprehensible mess. But - and this is the important part - BRITAIN WAS FREE. Let all fake Asian nations be warned - invade England at your peril!

Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!

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