REPORT OF THE CHARLTON COMICS DEPARTMENT OF ANTHROPOLOGICAL CAVEMAN STUDIES
Our recent expedition to Olduvai Gorge resulted in the findings of two finger bones and a fragment of tibia. From these remains we have reconstructed what we believe to be an accurate scenario tht sheds new light on how our caveman ancestors lived.
Evidence shows a caveman named "Da-Ro" was the very first caveman to think of using a stick to kill an animal with. Millions of years of cavemen being mauled by bears, slashed by sabre-tooth tigers, and bitten by squirrels was erased in one moment of sapling-equipped violence. Chief was not amused by this high-tech tiger killing method, however.
"*I* ugly? You no prize yourself, Ne-La!"
This takes place, of course, in the dawn of prehistory where men did not have a word for "love" and hence it was odd behavior for Da-Ro to take an interest in girls. I guess little cavemen were brought by the giant prehistoric stork or found under prehistoric cabbage leaves or something.
"Da-Ro Triumphs! He Is Our Chief! Hey Da-Ro, you can get up now! What are you doing on top of him, Da-Ro?" Suddenly we realize why Da-Ro's interest in girls was an odd thing.
Flushed with his strangely intimate victory over Former Chief, Da-Ro now begins to put his mighty brain to work. Wow Da-Ro, you really think we can store fruit in cool places? We can catch FISH with a NET? Good thing big, strong Da-Ro is around to teach us poor cave women these important tips! What would we mere ignorant cave women do without mighty Da-Ro?
Not satisfied with inventing refrigeration and fish nets, Da-Ro also invents cooking. Busy day for Da-Ro's mighty brain!
Using more than one spear to kill the bear? That's cheating! Because cavemen who didn't know fire or spears have the concept of "fairness". If Da-Ro was a little smarter he'd invent the atlatl, but I guess whoever wrote this comic couldn't be bothered to research hunter-gatherer culture.
Da-Ro's swelling itching brain brings forth both agriculture and stilted, proper diction! Even though my very survival depends upon paying close attention to the natural world around me, I had no idea that plants grew from seeds! You have changed my way of thinking, Da-Ro! Please don't 'triumph' me.
So Da-Ro invented agriculture, weapons, cooking, stating the obvious, and loving the ladies. According to the top panel, he also set fire to the entire world. A lifetime of presenting the patently evident as amazing inventions finally catches up with him, though, and as he sits in his cave carving a wheel, his fellow cavemen believe he has finally lost all the little stones which are in everyone's head with which one must think thoughts. It's sad when they lose the little stones which with one must think thoughts. Thanks must be conveyed to Charlton Comics for presenting this comic book story whereby we have learned many interesting things about how Da-Ro used reason to triumph over brute force and teach cavemen to speak stiffly in a mannered, artificial fashion!
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