In the 60s, it was believed that any comic book with a gorilla on the cover would sell like gangbusters. The fad eventually died, but in the 70s, DC comics apparently believed that extreme overconfidence to the point of delusion would sell a comic book the way great apes had previously.
One could almost believe nothing would happen to this fellow with the camera, even with his wife pointing madly and the skeleton gondolier tapping his shoulder to remind him to stay seated inside the gondola at all times. But no, not only does he have to photograph the GONDOLA OF DEATH, not only does he announce with utter certainty how nothing will happen, he has to say it all scary in big green letters. He's sealed his own doom, really.
That's right, buddy, once the VAMPIRE walks into your TRAP you'll be out of danger forever. Forever and ever, once this one thing happens. You'll be bulletproof, you'll never drown or get hit by a bus, you will never ever face any danger ever. That kind of over confidence is just begging for a comeuppance by a scary skeleton with bat accompaniment. Taking into account whatever damage an animated pile of bones and a small rodent could provide, that is.
Let this be a lesson to everyone: tempt fate and grimacing, helmet-wearing creatures will... er... do something to you. Nothing too graphic though, Comics Code Authority and all that.
I know, you're thinking that dog ate all those people, after they died right? But take a look at the top of the skull of that guy sprawled on his bony stomach there-- nope, that dog took a rock and bashed his head in. THEN he ate him. So Mr. Confident Titanic Survivor and his ladyfriend there should be OK as long as they don't turn their backs on that dog.
Overconfidence + spooky attics, much like drinking + driving, are among the biggest causes for tragedy in our nation today. Please, tell your children not to go into spooky attics unless they are willing to withhold themselves from hyperbole.
Also, if you lock a monster in your attic, make sure to close the goddamn attic door when you are done, so it won't see the word balloon that's pretty much daring it to escape.
Lest you think horror/mystery were the only arenas in which DC covervictims displayed alarming amounts of overconfidence, here is some evidence to the contrary; proof that even in wartime, it's best to keep your mouth shut. Of course, that guy's missing the eye that would see the big blue lady about to blast him, so his overconfidence may be understandable.
"Yessireebob, once I take this one... last... step... over... the... bridge... we'll... be... totally... safe... phew, this bridge is longer than it looks... good thing no Nazis are around..."
But certainly, there must be some subject where people are allowed to show happiness or confidence without the threat of impending doom, right? Of course you expect bad things to happen in a comic about horror or war; surely in the arena of love, people are allowed to feel hopeful?
Of course not! Silly bride, didn't she know girls on the cover of romance comics are supposed to cry as they beg some douchebag not to leave? Being happy on your wedding day is inviting tragedy just the same as stating with certainty that nothing bad will happen upon photographing Death Gondolas, or that there's nothing to be afraid of inside haunted castles.
Oddly enough, there ARE DC comics covers where the brides are always happy...
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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