Once upon a time America fell in love with a rough, tough, gold-chain-sporting, befeathered, mohawked madman named Mister T. From a starring role in "Rocky III" to headlining the adventure TV series "The A-Team", we couldn't get enough of this fool-pitying fellow. And kids weren't left out of the Mister T explosion! Oh no.
A lumpy, misshapen hand crushes a giant letter "T" - it's a Mr T show just for children! And since this is the 1980s, our Mister T cartoon show is really, incredibly lame.
Far from being a sadistic boxer or a machine-gun toting mercenary, Mr. T is now the coach of a youth gymnastics team. Yes, that's right, coaching youth gymnastics and driving a bus that's much too small for him. What kind of emotion do you think this engenders in Mr.T?
IT MAKES MR. T ANGRY! And when Mr. T gets angry, SOMEBODY is going to PAY!! Except this is a children's cartoon. Or rather a coloring book based on a children's cartoon. So instead of violence, what can we do?
Sightseeing! Yes, nothing kids like more than coloring badly-drawn pictures of third-rate cartoon supporting characters admiring the Cannon Mountain Tramway at the Franconia Hotel in New Hampshire.
You can almost FEEL Mr. T thinking of our heritage in this picture.
This is quite honestly something I never thought I'd see, Mr. T indulging in his hobby of researching pioneer home construction.
I PITY THE FOOL WHO DON'T APPRECIATE THE BOUNTY OF NATURE'S HARVEST HERE IN NEW JERSEY - THE GARDEN STATE!!
Here we see Mr. T demonstrating his contempt for rules and regulations ("they're for SUCKAS!") as he uses binoculars to view an object three feet away.
Hey, sure, whatever, coloring book! We'll take your word for it! San Francisco better get some landscapers in there, I'm thinkin'!
Sometimes he carts that bushel of Maryland crabs around all day long. He just loves carrying those crabs.
I'll tell you something else Mt. McKinley challenges - this coloring book's illustrators, who can't handle anything they can't trace from a model sheet.
"Okay team, workout's over! Put those crayons down and hit those showers! NOW, suckas!"
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