No less an authority on comic books than Marcus "The Hammer" Aurelius once wrote "There is nothing new under the sun." Certainly this is true when it comes to the four-color adventures of long underwear super-characters. And hey, nobody's going to begrudge a little honest swiping here and there.
During the Batman craze of the mid 1960s everybody - including pulp mag king Myron Fass - was getting into the superhero act. And if you can't be bothered to spend five minutes to come up with your own caped crusader, why not borrow somebody else's? Fawcett certainly hadn't been doing anything with Captain Marvel for a while. Throw in a legion of super-villians borrowed liberally from all over the map - Crimebuster's "Ironjaw" is now "Atom-Jaw", Dr. Fate is a Canadian with a moustache, Dr. Doom wears shades, and Elasticman is no longer one of Jimmy Olsen's many disguises - and you have the ingredients for what could be some really terrible comic books. Dare we hope?
Captain Marvel's young ward "Billy Baxton" - hey, it's not plagarism if they change one letter - "Billy Baxton" learns that Marvel's clothes don't disappear, they merely become invisible. That's the kind of fine distinction we often don't appreciate. Thanks Captain Marvel!
As an alien robot - a MAGIC alien robot - created by super-intellectuals from a far off solar system, Captain Marvel certainly is "fabulous" and only Billy knows it.
Meanwhile crime runs wild in the form of a guy with a metal jaw committing the heinous criminal acts of chomping through the hulls of expensive display motorboats and taxicabs. Also he's slapping some guy around, but, dude was a landlubber! He probably deserved it.
But evil can't win when Captain Marvel's magic fingers are on the case! Look at Dr. Fate try to keep from giggling as the wiggly disembodied Marvel magic robot fingers work their magic finger magic on his aching muscles and tired limbs. Also Captain Marvel has jet boots and laser eyes. And the United Nations has a "president". News to me.
Being a magic alien robot, Captain Marvel probably didn't know the U.N. "has no power to jail civilians." Okay comic book, that makes a certain kind of pedantic, matter-of-fact sense, but as an exciting super-feat of justice? FAIL
Large segments of this comic, supposedly about a magic alien body-part-separating robot, are actually devoted to boring ripoff super villians bickering like spiteful married couples. Hey guys, "The Lockhorns" got that covered already.
Luckily Captain Marvel knows how to forestall boredom by broadcasting "reverse sonic waves" and travelling into the past, just like his encounter with the blue men of Venus. What will he find in the mysterious past?
Wait a minute, radioactivity didn't exist in 1849? Marie Curie just made her own radium out of what, old newspapers? Walnut shells? Empty Pernod bottles?
Build a time machine + go back in time + assume the identity of a gold miner + mine all his gold = PROFIT!!$!
Captain Marvel knew he would face his mightiest foe the day he faced... THE THREE EYED WASHING MACHINE OF THE FUTURE. (only takes Susan B. Anthony dollars)
The far future is a nightmare of electricity, throbbing network controls, mindless idiot slaves, and ultimate robot dictators. Yeah, tell us something we don't know.
Captain Marvel - who we will remember is a robot - argues with the robot about whether or not people should obey robots. Other robots, I mean.
Turns out the robot - the three eyed washing machine robot, not the Captain Marvel alien magic robot - turns out that robot was right and, the instant you remove the throbbing network control, mankind reverts to being unshaven, snarly hobos. Serves us right, I suppose.
Electric hairbrushes? SELF-CLEANING OVENS?? God help us in the future!! WILL MANKIND LEARN?! Myron Fass certainly did - his "Split!" Captain Marvel only lasted five issues. But that's okay, his other magazines including UFO SPECIAL ANCIENT ASTRONAUTS, JAWS OF HORROR, JFK'S LOVE AFFAIRS, WITCHES TALES, GASM and SUPER ROCK more than made up for his super hero failure. XAM!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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