Are you ready for the exciting WORLD OF THE FUTURE? Well, buckle up in your space-chair and let Walt Disney and his hand picked team of defense contractors and war criminals take you on an amazing journey into the WORLD THAT'S COMING! Sponsored by Monsanto and GE.
Based on three popular episodes of "Wonderful World Of Disney", this Dell comic attempts to replicate the TV show's awesome spaceship model work, great Chesley Bonestell outer space paintings, and slightly creepy Werner Von Braun accent in comic book form. It doesn't quite succeed, but we do learn some valuable information about the rocket and satellite filled future that awaits us.
Here at the Passive-Agressive Research Institute, scientists recieve assignments via hostile, anonymous notes left in prominent locations.
Complex radio transmitters have been miniaturized to the point where they become REALLY EASY to shoplift!
Watch your step guys, we've strewn expensive satellite parts all over the floor of the plant. Soon we'll toss them in a empty can of Mott's Tomato Paste and blast them into space, and we've got Mark Trail keeping an eye on it. That'll show those Russians!
"Satellites, bah! What a waste of my tax dollars! Where's my cell phone Martha? I think I left it next to our GPS."
Yup, that's exactly how they map the earth, they print out a bunch of satellite photos and physically paste them, with glue, onto a giant ball, and then they get Grandma's measuring tape and measure out how many inches from New York to what appears to be France. To the joy of mariners!
We don't need those expensive microwave relay towers any more, so bring in the dynamite! Boom! Hey fellas we need to put up thousands of cell phone towers - weren't there a bunch of towers here a minute ago? (comedy 'waaah-waah' noise)
Okay, we can broadcast to the entire Earth simultaneously via satellite? We can reach all of humanity in an instant, bypassing borders, laws, and cultural barriers and bringing us all together as one? So we can finally achieve the ages-old dream of a united human race-- sitting in front of the idiot box watching "Happy Days."
One thing's for sure, having spy satellites certainly removed the threat of war. I can remember that UN resolution clearly! And now that we no longer have to pay heavy war taxes all Americans get free health care and free university educations! This message of a peaceful future was brought to you by Lockheed, General Dynamics, and General Electric's Complicated Munitions Division, who all dearly hope it never comes to pass.
Let's examine each of these orbiting hospital medical miracles.
1. "No germs exist in space! However, we're not in space, we're in this operating room, so things are pretty much as germy as they are anywhere else!"
2. "Mmm-mmm, those healthful ultraviolet rays! They're kicking my skin cancer into OVERDRIVE!!"
3. "I'm recuperating rapidly here in zero gravity! And when I go back home to Earth, I'll drop dead in about a minute!"
Luckily, outer space moon prospectors will finally be able to end the great silver shortage we currently suffer here on Earth. Cheap, tacky jewelry will again be available to all! And what about growing food on Mars? With no clouds in the sky, ever, and a summer temperature of 60 degrees, it's as fertile as that well known farming bonanza, the Gobi Desert!
And if one theory about Venus is right, you'll be able to hunt dinosaurs with bazookas. And if ANOTHER, slightly more CORRECT theory about Venus is right, you will die of the intense furnace-like heat shortly before your skin will be completely dissolved by the powerful acidic compounds in the atmosphere. But you might be crushed by the intense pressure first. Only one way to find out! GET READY FOR BLAST OFF TO THE FUTURE!!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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