So let's say you've got your whole college fund in front of you and rather than get a degree and a future, you're going to blow it all publishing your own full-color line of fakey superhero comics. What's your first step? Get some earplugs so you can more easily ignore all the voices of your friends and family telling you what a bad idea this is. But after that? Figure out which one of your can't miss superhero concepts you'll publish first! And there's only one way to do that, with an anthology book announcing your brand new superhero universe to a waiting world!
No, your monitor isn't going all wonky, the front cover of this comic actually has one of those novelty lenticular pictures pasted to it. They could have gone with a winking Jesus, but no, we hadda have superheroes. I know this is from the 1990s and the comic book industry was going nuts with foil covers, hologram covers, embossed covers, die-cut hologram embossed foil covers, etc., but even in the context of the 90s this is embarrassing. So, are you ready to enter the ARComics Cosmos? What fresh new entertainment options will spring forth from these exciting new talents?
Hey, great, superheroes. That's just what the world was waiting for, your own lame copies of Marvel characters. It's not like I don't have math notebooks from 6th grade just jam-packed with my own lame ripoffs! Surely ArComics isn't JUST superheroes...?
Whew, thank goodness, they're also offering us laughing faceless vigilantes. Nothing like fighting crime in a trenchcoat, jeans, and comfortable sneakers, I'd be jolly too if I was dressed in such comfort.
Outer Space is also visited in our Premiere with "Aegis", a shiny guy who defends the peace of low Earth orbit from totally radical surfers. He kindly reminds us that the universe itself died and put him in charge.
There's nothing I love more than a comic book that makes sure we know exactly who our eight forgettable soon-to-be-turned-into-superhero characters are. Because I care about them as PEOPLE, dammit!
Surprise, they've become garishly-dressed superheroes! We didn't have enough of those, thanks ARComics.
Strangely enough, when you suddenly get super powers, a giant alien spaceship full of robots generally attacks you. Life's funny like that sometimes. But are superheroes all ARComics has to offer? No sir!
Here ARComics makes the bold statement that even horribly disfigured accident victims can show their bad hairpieces and hideous, noseless, plastic surgery disaster faces with pride.
Among other things, having no nose gives you the mystical power to let trucks drive straight through you. I can see where that would come in handy sometimes.
Also occasionally the most awesome high school sports mascot EVER erupts from your chest. Seriously I am not playing against that team, they can win by default. Let's go home kids.
And before ya know it, back to the super heroes. These include Blondy McNonose, Supermodel Kathy Ireland, and Gritjaw T.Oken.
Together they form the posingest team of fighting posers who ever posed! So! Clearly we are presented with some mighty fine entertainment options. WHICH ONE WILL YOU, THE READER, CHOOSE TO BE THE FIRST VANGUARD OF THE ARCOMICS COSMOS TO PENETRATE OUR TREMBLING, HESITANT PARADIGM? And hold on - don't make that decision just yet!
Yes, call the ARCOMICS HOTLINE and cast YOUR vote in the comic book election of the century! Let YOUR voice be heard! Only .95 per minute. Must be 18. Additional charges may apply. No salesman will call. I'm voting for "Plant Patrol". I just don't trust those plants, that's all.
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