What's that, Wayne? You want your comic book back? The comic book about the TV show about the bionic man who cost six million dollars? Okay, fine, but how will we know it's YOUR comic book? What did you do, write your name on the cover or something?
Well okay then, fine, take your silly ol' comic. Just let us read it first.
As a kid, a SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN watching kid, this is what I figured adult life would be like. I'd wear turtlenecks and action-type jackets and fly around in jet planes piloted by women in bathing suits, saving America and/or the world. Also, computers would be able to tell if men were single. Actually that last part came true. If you spend a lot of time on the computer, chances are you're single.
A secret spy has been stealing America's vital secrets from their most secret hideouts, including this top secret wooded retreat that is so top secret that it's surrounded by uniformed guards and giant signs that read STOP RESTRICTED AREA. Maybe they should stop hiding their secrets so LOUDLY.
Sure, we complain about the 70s a lot, but any decade where covering your midriff was optional is OK by me.
These pumps are DRY! It's a SET-UP. Wait a minute, this is the 1970s, there isn't any gas to begin with! OPEC's got that whole embargo thing going on! They're increasing the price of oil to FIVE DOLLARS A BARREL. Yeah... I miss the 70s.
There's no way that mere machine-gun equipped motorcycles can withstand the raw power of Steve Austin The Six Million Dollar Man. Especially when he's traced from a photo.
Steve couldn't sleep because of his alertness, his alert awareness of the 19 year old showering in the next room, that's what this comic is trying to say. Damn you Comics Code!!
The ghostly Mister X has abducted the showering teenager into the ghost dimension! This had better be a comic book; they would have blown the budget for a SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN episode halfway through the machine-gun motorcycle scene.
"Help me Steve! Every atom of my physical being has been warped into a dimension of invisibility! And that guy is creepy!"
In order to catch an extra-dimensional ghost, our bionic superhero must become an extra-dimensional ghost himself. Simple logic, really.
Ghost Steve and Ghost Honey track Ghost Kagal to... where else? Vegas, where Honey delivers a stinging critique of the ostentatious glitter and glitz of America's decadent gambling playground.
Police in Vegas are trained to detain any suspicious ghost-like figures, but this one didn't count on Steve Austin's powerful bionic hand, which apparently is able to detach itself and fly through the air. Again: way over budget for the TV show.
A spectacular chase of invisible ghosts through a Las Vegas chorus line ends in disaster as Kagal points his gun at Steve and Honey. Which he could have done back in the hotel room when he kidnaped Honey, I guess. And no, I don't know why Steve and Honey are chasing the person they originally were trying to hide from. Or whether or not they're visible or invisible. It's a Charlton comic, just go with it.
Turns out that all the ghost invisible radiation was going to wear off eventually anyway. Steve Austin could have stayed at home and read magazines and this entire adventure would have worked itself out. On the other hand, then we wouldn't be treated to the spectacle of a barely-legal bionic make-out session. Thanks for letting us read your comic book, Wayne! You can have it back now. No, I insist.
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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