Kids love monsters and superheroes. Combining the two into a comic book is a natural! Kids also love teasing their sisters and shoplifting, but nobody ever made a "Bratty Shoplifting Funnies" comic book. Why is that? Maybe it's because that would be interesting and if there's one thing Dell Comics is about, it's NOT about being interesting.
Case in point, today's offering of FRANKENSTEIN, one of Dell's series of monster-themed super hero books like DRACULA, WOLFMAN, and THE FUNKTACULAR HORROR OF RICHARD M. NIXON that hit 1967 with all the force of a wet sponge. Don't ask me how you take popular monster characters that have thrilled audiences for centuries and turn them boring, but Dell manages the impossible!
What strange sideshow is this? From the mighty pen of Tony "Sinbad" Tallarico comes this thrilling tale of Frankenstein, the green-faced, caucasian-limbed superhero, menaced by Mr. Freek and Mr. Freek's menagerie of giant animals! You DEVIL!
Wow, must be a slow news day when the headline concerns Frankenstein successfully re-installing Windows XP after a particularly annoying virus attack. And does this make Mr. Freek mad! He's so angry, he's going to take the rights of kings and dictators by using his giant animals to build an army out of money. And that's pretty angry!
Frank N. Stone, wealthy man-about-town, who in a shocking turn of events is actually the superhero Frankenstein, relaxes with his butler William. Who OF COURSE is NOT a criminal. Of course. In fact I don't even know why I brought it up. Surely nothing could intrude upon this idyllic scene of two men enjoying each other's company?
Uh oh, it's that Miss Ann Thrope. She hates everybody! Get it? No, seriously, see what I did there?? She's the snoopy girlfriend always trying to prove that Frank N. Stone is actually Frankenstein. Get a job, you nosey snoop.
"Uhh, beast, not breast. BEAST. Freudian slip there, sorry."
Who are we to question your unknown fans who have rented Madison Square Garden for a gigantic, expensive rally paid for by anonymous sources who prefer to remain hidden? Surely nothing sinister or untoward is planned at this mysterious event! Wonderful, see you there.
As "throngs" of people fill the stadium, Mr. Freek lurks below preparing his own tribute to Frankenstein. A TRIBUTE OF HISSING DEATH!!
I imagine you could attack Frankenstein with giant spiders just about anywhere, but the basement of a rented stadium is as good a place as any, I suppose. HISTORICAL NOTE: 1967, perhaps the only time 'stronger than nylon' would be used as a modifer indicating strength.
Apparently the editor of this comic book believes that spider bites cause people to dance. This clears up many questions I had about the editorial decisions at Dell Comics.
Oh, wrapped in stronger-than-nylon spiderwebs, taken by tramp steamer to the Carribbean, and forced to fight monsters in the giant arena Freek built in the middle of the steaming jungle. And how was YOUR day?
Will Frankenstein prevent evil from triumphing over good by pummelling a giant warthog? I sure hope so!
What follows is a few pages of Frankenstein beating up animals, which frankly is beneath the dignity of a super-powerful monster character. I mean come on, it's not like human beings haven't been running roughshod over the animal kingdom since we learned to walk upright and make tools. But using the giant snake to fight the giant crocodile is kinda awesome. I think I see a couple of producers from the SyFy Channel over there taking notes.
You gotta hand it to that Freek, he had the good sense and common decency to die off-panel, his hideous scream of death only slightly interrupting Frankenstein's tedious speechifying. Who knew monster super heroes were so boring? Shouldn't his speech be something like "HURRR... KILL FREEK AND WARTHOGS... KILL.. IS GOOD...HURRR HURRR" and then mobs, pitchforks, windmills, death? Huh Dell?
SPECIAL BONUS ACTION!! Sometimes Frankenstein likes to stalk old men in parks.
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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