Hey kids! Who wants to learn all about the fascinating world of Computer Science? Nobody? Well let's see what we can do to make this a little more interesting and futuristic for you.
It's a New Hero For The 1980s, drawn like the Old Heroes From The 1940s! Assisted by a computer terminal with a giant face, arms and legs, and a little bow tie. If that doesn't make you want to learn about computer science I don't know what will! And when I say 'learn about' I mean 'flee in terror from.'
Hi Mr. Computer! Yes, I'm interested in learning about computers. I'm also interested in finding out what kind of horrific genetic-engineering nightmare produced you. Also, what is up with your teeny tiny ears? "Make sure the little bastard has ears," they said. Well, they did, and it's just wrong.
I know Mister Compy here promised us some background information on the history of the computer, but man, that stuff is boring. Let's just go right to the superhero story. It's boring too, but at least there's explosions and people hitting each other.
I guess when you have a name like Dr. Manfred Zongor, your jam has to be EXTRA good! Also you have to have a little beard and wear Ming The Merciless's discarded clothes, and find that plutonium the government has buried in New Jersey. Explains some things about New Jersey, doesn't it?
Zongor's plan involves... computers! And where better to find the knowledge necessary to use computers in all your criminal enterprises than at the BRICK COMPUTER SCIENCE INSTITUTE, Edward Zapp, Director? Noplace, that's where! Oh, but I hear you scoffing. "Edward Zapp"? Surely this is some kind of fake comic book name, right?
Wrong. Edward Zapp is REAL, he runs a REAL SCHOOL that will take your REAL MONEY. Zongor is his dean of admissions, I think.
"Don't give us trouble, computerman!" Try that one out on the IT guy at work tomorrow. I dare you!
Funny how the 80s look like the 40s. Oh well, I always said the baggy suit look was coming back in style.
Luckily for the BRICK COMPUTER SCIENCE INSTITUTE, Captain Electron is on the case! He hurtles through the air on his V-Thrust drive! But enough about your private life Captain, how are you going to solve this kidnap mystery? And why does everybody look exactly like you? Is this another fiendish plot of Zongor?
I don't know what's better about these panels: the open-mouthed dumb-struck lust appeal Captain Electron has on the ladies, or the pasted-in concern of the Assistant Director, who is deeply concerned that he was drawn into this promotional comic and the artist completely ignored his requests for "more hair".
As he is a COMPUTER SCIENCE GENIUS, Zapp erases the plutonium-finding computer program with a few nimble keystrokes. It's not like important computer files ever get deleted by accident! That never happens. Sadly, in doing so, Zapp has just signed his own death warrant, as a room full of identical men look on in various degrees of concern. Who will save him?
HEY CAPTAIN ELECTRON!! OH YEAH! Now nobody will be thirsty!!
As the tightly drawn muscleman grapples with the large phallic object, Edward Zapp looks on in concern! As do we all, Mr. Zapp, as do we all.
And he's off to battle the forces of crime and anarchy, every girl's dream come true, Captain Electron! It says so right there, "every girl's dream come true." This presents a degree of strangeness inherent in the dreams of girls that I was previously unaware of.
But enough of our exciting adventure story, let's learn more about computers! That's exciting too, right?
I would be happy to! Please proceed! With your kind permission! Much obliged, I'm sure! Probably the politest computer-based conversation ever held between a lithe muscleman and a talking computer terminal with ears.
Captain Electron, his identical twin computer-operator double, "input-output devices", the hollow, dead eyes of Mister Computer as he ponders the grim nightmare of his very existence. I don't know about you, but to me it screams CAREER IN COMPUTERS HOORAY!!
Wow, within a mere decade, data storage technology will have moved beyond giant whirring reels of magnetic tape? But what visual shorthand will we use to indicate "computers" then? If I can't insert a tight shot of a whirring reel of magnetic tape the audience won't know it's a computer!
Good fortune to everyone! Be sure and drop Mister Computer a line at the Brick Computer Science Institute in Brick, New Jersey. He'd love to hear from all his fans, and perhaps have assistance in wreaking vengeance upon whatever twisted scientific monster brought him forth into the world in defiance of the laws of God and man. What's that? You need that address again?
When you write, be sure to ask what Captain Electron is up to today. Probably working in the electronics department of the local Wal-Mart, or maybe in the PetCo, which is what stands now at the former site of the Brick Computer Science Institute, which is no longer in business. But surely it left a legacy of grateful and satisfied students, right? Let's check out their testimony!
ACTUAL FORMER STUDENTS:
This school was the biggest joke. I can't believe we all fell for their trick. Jokes on us, I'm still 9k in debt.
this school was the biggest waste of time and money...
This school ruined our lives. In debt for last 8 years as the school closed its doors in 8/04.
This ripoff "school" is closed and has been bulldozed. Nothing made me happier to see a PetCo on this site.
There you have it, another triumph for Captain Electron and the BRICK COMPUTER SCIENCE INSTITUTE! Onward- towards the future!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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