When we found that first Krypto "Space Canine Patrol Agency" story, tucked into an otherwise uninteresting issue of Superboy, we thought to ourselves, this is kinda weird, but there's no way this could have been a continued series. Were we ever wrong! DOGGONE wrong, as Krypto himself might say!
So let's return to the world where dogs and cats wear clothes, fly around in spaceships, and fight and/or commit crimes. Look out for Purring Pete BTW. He drools!
We join Superboy and Krypto as they play a nice game of catch and Krypto "goes faster than ice cream sliding down a kid's throat". Thanks for that weirdly specific mental image there, Superboy Comics.
But when his outer space talking dog friends call, Krypto ignores his master and zooms to the SCPA. They're just as good as the Legion Of Super Heroes, it says so right there!
Let's see, obligatory pledge of Bow Wow Wow allegiance, dismissal of proposed new member who can't handle his catnip, and we're ready for action.
Uh oh, looks like the SCPA is running out of money! Dog money that looks like bones! So it's time to go to Congress and get more appropriations - what's that? No government funding for the SCPA? Time to start begging! Luckily dogs are good at that, they get up on their hind legs and start whining and it's so pitiful you HAVE to give them all those pork chops. Listening in is the Cat Crime Club, who wear little cat clothes. That's how you know you're reading a comic book - have you ever tried to get a cat to wear a turtleneck sweater?
The intelligent pets of outer space are tolerant and openminded; cats and dogs live together in peace and harmony. Mind you, it's on their own planet where the rest of the galaxy doesn't have to witness their disgusting miscegenation!! And no, you're not high, this comic does feature a dog dressed as a cowboy riding a dog-faced horse and roping a dog with bull-horns while another dog times it all with a stopwatch held in his little dog hand.
Cats & dogs live on the same planet in peace and harmony, but use different money. Money shaped like bones and fish. I don't even want to think how complicated the ATMs must be on the Canine-Feline World.
Uh oh Krypto! That hot dog you're holding in your two little paws and eating - because that's how dogs eat hot dogs, as if they were people - that hot dog's ketchup has been laced with Red Kryptonite which has weird and incredible effects! Besides making dogs and cats wear clothes and act like people, you mean?
Krypto was turned into a super-ghost because he failed to recognize Scratchy Tom, the Cat Criminal who sold him the Cat Hot Dog. One more mistake and you'll be suspended!
On another pet planet cheerful citizens toss bones - I mean, money - out the window onto a sheet to support the good works of the SCPA. This sort of unregistered donation only leads to trouble, as any political figure can tell you.
Oh no, green kryptonite in the bone-money, and two panels highlighting strange colored glass discs on this weird asteroid. Gee I wonder if these glass discs will play a part in the story to come? FORESHADOWING: YOUR KEY TO QUALITY LITERATURE.
You're suspended, Krypto! Turn in those clothes you don't normally wear! But in doing so, Krypto's X-ray vision reveals how the Cat Crooks have made monkeys out of the dogs and Krypto concocts a plan to turn the tables on these felonious felines.
How can Krypto defy the blasts of the Cat Crooks if he's powerless under the rays of a red sun? I wonder if that foreshadowing thing we saw earlier might tie into this somehow?
So the Cat Crooks and the SCPA are basically Prohibition-era gangsters - powerful armed gangs roaming around, shaking down citizens for cash, hijacking profits, kidnaping for ransom. Dunno if this is quite what DC had in mind.
Turns out the red suns were actually harmless yellow suns turned red by taking some of those colored discs - you know, the ones that the comic made a real effort to call attention to earlier on that weird asteroid - and throwing them in front of the suns so they appeared red. You'd think that this sort of thing would be painfully obvious to anyone approaching the planet in a space ship, as the cats did, but god forbid I point out any plot holes in this comic book about space dogs versus space cats for money that looks like bones.
A comic book, I might point out, that regularly was selling six hundred and eighty thousand copies an issue, mind you. That's more than triple the sales of the number-one selling comic book in March 2012. How about THAT, modern non-stupid comic books?!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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