Australia! Home of kangaroos, giant cans of Fosters, Cell Block "H", incredibly deadly wildlife, and American-style superheroes! No, really!
Yes, it's Vixen, the barely-dressed superheroine who uses the power of.. I dunno, bikinis or something, to battle evildoers! Are you ready for some down-under adventure? No? Well, too bad.
We learn in three fast panels that Vixen was created when an alien cylinder shot her and her pet fox with a ray, and then beamed her aboard their spacecraft, and then told her to put on a revealing outfit and become a super hero. Space aliens know Earth people are gullible and will do whatever space aliens tell them to do, I guess.
Now Vixen - and her pet fox - roam the city thirsting for the violence that crime attracts. Somebody tell PETA.
Vixen's rooftop crime-staring activities are interrupted by a visit from Captain Australia(TM), warning her of a fake Vixen operating in the US. This makes the real Vixen mad with fury reserved only for the most hated of criminals - identity thieves!! Stay calm.
Certainly I was hoping that this comic would be filled with all kinds of Australia-based action, but instead of deadly wildlife and aggressive "bikies" the scene immediately moves to the United States. Boring!! In Chicago, Vixen rescues the homeless girl Saskia, from some muggers and hears her talk about a ghost, which immediately derails the "fake Vixen" story. Like all homeless girls and Australians, Saskia also has a pet fox.
I know there's a lot of crime in Chicago, but foxes strangling site supervisors with ghostly human hands, that's probably fairly unusual. Or maybe the fox is just watching a ghost strangle a site supervisor, it's not very clear at this point. Is this fox Saskia's pet, is it Vixen's pet, is it the fake Vixen's pet... too many foxes in this comic.
You have to give this one to the pilots of Chicago's police department, they don't need those sissy helicopter landing pads or lights or even a level surface. Just put that helicopter down in the middle of a demolished building ten feet from the corpse! That's how we protect crime scenes here in Chicago. TWO murders? That makes it a SERIAL KILLER!
If only Brainmaster was here, his super robot brain can talk to animals, unlike Vixen, the animal-themed super lady whose only power so far has been to erupt in fury, take off her clothes, and jog briskly.
Oh, okay, Vixen can also turn into a fox. Now there's a super power that has some uselessness to it! This also means that whenever you see a fox in this comic, there are four distinct foxes it could possibly be. Not confusing at all!
After her bikini-jog fox transformation, Vixen realizes that basic library type research may in fact deliver more useful data. Which it does! Always check the newspaper archives BEFORE bikini-jogging, kids.
We pause for a moment to flash back to gangsters and G-men in the 1920s. Remember this is Chicago, and that's the only interesting thing that ever happened in Chicago, gangsters and stuff.
Back at the construction site/murder scene/homeless squat, Vixen senses danger and Saskia detects evil gathering force as she stands casually around with her hands in her pockets.
It's the evil spirit of a Chicago gangster, that's who's causing all the trouble! Continuing the rackets even after death, that's the Chicago way.
Here's a tip for our Australian readers: in America the term is "equipment rental". "Plant hire" would be when you give a rhododendron a job.
Who's better at operating giant battering-ball cranes, gangster ghosts or Australian bikini-fox women? Ghosts, apparently.
Massive head trauma, battering-ball destruction, what could be worse? Fire, that's what.
And as we saw in that issue of "Gasp", ghosts love to materialize in spirit form and beat the crap out of each other.
Delivered from eternal ghost gangster vengeance, Special Ghost Agent Chuck Russio, FBI, delivers a hand-written thank you note to Saskia. Look out behind you Saskia!
Oh no, it's the muggers whom Vixen saved Saskia from earlier. They've come back to this construction site, the scene of two murders and a recent fire, which will soon undoubtedly be swarming with emergency officers, to mug a homeless girl. Somebody needs to teach these muggers some crime basics, like, say, stealing from people who actually have money, and doing it somewhere you won't be caught. Anyway, Vixen beats them up.
Just land that helicopter anywhere guys. Oh no Vixen's been detained by the police! How will she prove she's the original Vixen without a visit to the Trademark office? They're closed this time of night! Sure, she could turn into a fox and run away, but that would, um, make a lot of sense, actually. Why not just do that?
Nope, Special Ghost Agent Chuck Russio comes back to write in the dirt some more and deliver the testimony that will set Vixen free to track down that fake Vixen, the whole reason she came to Chicago in the first place. Stay tuned for "The Battle Of The Vixens!"
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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