Oh, so you're back, huh? That last small-press female superhero comic wasn't enough for you? Well guess what, tough guys and gals, we've got another small-press superhero, and she made every bit as big a splash as our pal Vixen on the previous page did! Bigger, even, because she was "manga-style"! (read: sort-of kind-of anime-ish looking, if you squint.)
No, it's not a crossword puzzle, it's the cover to issue one of 1992's Skye Blue, drawn by Ben Dunn, though the rest of the artwork is done by someone else. Presumably they brought in Dunn (founder of Antarctic Comics, among other things) to help "sell" the first issue. And what could sell a comic about an underage girl who becomes a superhero better than putting said minor's cameltoe front and centre? Yeah, just try not noticing that. Look at the way the buildings between her legs point to it. There might as well be flashing red arrows.
The story begins with our heroine, having all ready been in her first super-battle, collapsing in a well-lit gay bar that apparently caters exclusively to middle-aged men. Looks cozy though.
Luckily the bad guys suffer from gay panic, and the unnamed gay dudes get our superheroine to safety. Yeah, I dunno, this is a lot of time to spend with a bunch of guys who don't really figure into the story or plot... what of our heroine?
Oh, here she is in handy flashback mode, growing into a young lady (with hardly any camel toe at all). She's so unmotivated that it took her 2 years to be able to explain to her friend that she didn't want to go out for cheerleading because she wants time to herself. Was she silent throughout all of 8th grade, trying to figure that one out?
Anyway, she finds her dad's secret superhero stash, which is almost certainly better than finding her dad's secret porno stash. Then again, for some people, it's probably the same thing.
Some "bad stuff"... man, you can tell this was written by someone who's from the street. You don't get lifelike dialogue like that in comics these days. So in any case, being chased by a blocky, awkward-speaking stuff addict triggers her latent super powers, which are basically Superman's original superpowers (leap tall buildings, faster than locomotive, stronger than something or other etc.)
Remember in Watchmen when "costumed heroes" were forced into retirement? Yeah, me too. And yes, he does look like Ronald Reagan.
Oh, the Vixen was a lot more recent than that! Also, who says naming a cat is a test of creativity? Why even bother being creative naming a cat, they're only going to respond when they feel like it anyway. You know what's a good name for a cat? Kitty.
And as for coming up with original superhero names, there's certainly no dearth of people doing that, so it can't be that hard. Otherwise, I don't think this particular website would have gone on as long as it has! Keep coming up with your original superheroes, folks! Mister Kitty requires it!
If you'd like to know what you're onto, why don't you, I don't know, ask the nice lady what you're onto? Maybe start with "what's 'the combine', is that like farm equipment or something" and go from there. Then again, maybe Skye Blue is worried the hooker will take as long to answer as she did with the cheerleading thing.
Yeah, the main villain is a big clown. As harlequin-inspired supervillains go, this is certainly the... clowniest, I guess.
This is one of those paradoxes you're going to run into when you do your original superhero universe-- superheroes have only been out of the public eye less than 20 years, so why would the cops find it unbelievable that supervillains don't exist? However, using the phrase "mad scientist" when alerting the police about criminal activity may not be the best idea.
Now onto issue 2, featuring hardly any cameltoe at all! Yay!!
"Maybe I don't know my little girl as well as I should! I thought she was promiscuous and easily seduced by anyone that paid attention to her, but it turns out she's punching boys, not having unprotected sex with them! Drat, I've failed as a father!"
There's nothing snooty teenage girls like more than watching other girls beat people up. I guess?
So she beat up a guy because he was picking on someone smaller, but then for some reason regrets it because the smaller guy was buying porn? I guess it's for the best she never found her dad's porn collection, then. (includes all 6 volumes of WET HOT TEENAGE PREGGOS)
I'm starting to get the feeling our heroine is kind of a pill. And I dunno if wearing her superhero jacket to school is a great idea, given that the rest of her "disguise" consists of a small mask, a scarf, and a wig that's slightly longer but roughly the same shade as her real hair.
Now we're onto issue 3 (cover's too similar to issue 2 to bother with) and Steph is learning that with great power comes great responsibility to stop beating people up, after she beats up someone's dad (not that the daughter is too bothered by it- "I like mom better anyway" isn't what most would say after seeing dad get the shit kicked out of him). Maybe she'll lighten up and stop turning into a giant pill?
Hmm... nope! She's at a rock concert, but she's still a pill! Maybe Barb LIKES the opening act, Steph, ever think of that? Well, the snooty girl's most likely right; Steph probably is a big Enya fan. I'm pretty sure the writer of this comic didn't consider that an insult, but oh, it is. It is.
It turns out the headlining act (the only act you're allowed by law to cheer for) has psychic powers, and instantly zooms in on Steph's Superpill action. Seriously, what kind of asshole goes to a concert with friends, then sits there frowning and looking bored? If you don't like the music freaking leave, you gigantic pill. We all know people like this-- they insist on coming along but can't stop complaining the whole time. They probably all listen to Enya, too.
It turns out the musician who has the nerve to not be Enya is actually the grandson of the Ronald Reagan guy... in any case, Skye Blue, who believes there's no point having super powers if you won't indiscriminately beat people up FOR JUSTICE, wants nothing to do with him. Not only is he uninterested in being a superhero, he probably looks at porn! Hmph!
So anyway, Clownface takes over the sound board in the concert hall (not hard, since it was only one person) in order to get Skye Blue to reveal herself. Then he makes off with her in his car, because heaven knows the cops would never be able to track and follow an 8 foot clown in a convertible who's just taken over a crowded concert hall.
Yeah, no one likes crooks with fancy gimmicks, "Shady Lady". Especially not "The Combine" (we never do learn what all this has to do with farm equipment).
And so it all wraps up, no farm equipment involved, with the help of a guy whose only real super power is reading the minds of killjoys. An auspicious beginning, but for now... the end! Hey, you never know, maybe she'll get more comics one day! Sure, it's been nearly 20 years, but then it took her 2 years just to answer a simple question, so who knows!
PREVIOUS STUPID COMICS
NEXT STUPID COMICS
BACK TO STUPID COMICS INDEX
BACK TO MAIN INDEX