What's the one thing the African-American community needs as a exemplary role model to promote positive values? I know, super heroes.
Straight outta Africa it's LIONHEART and nothing will be as it was, ever again? Yes.
Deep in the mysterious heart of sub-Saharan Africa lies the secret Raman civilization of super-advanced ancient Nubians who live for hundreds of years, pondering all the terrible things going on in the outside world. Also, apparently they do a LOT of lifting. Free weights, resistance training, supplements, you name it.
Concerned about the troubles of the non-Raman world, Prince T'Nakka addresses Amon Rann at an assembly called by Brema Shaka. Get used to it, there's a LOT of talking in this comic.
Using their added influence to make a positive change in the world's character? Apparently great grandfather had the exact same idea!
Yes, after pummelling and becoming one with the spirit of the silver lion, Great Grandfather (or "Pep-Pep") became Lionheart and wore a "magnificent suit of armor," the magnificence of which did not extend to protecting the arms or legs.
And apparently he was killed by a pirate. Hey, these things happen.
Unafraid of pirates, T'Nakka sallies forth from the secret city to enroll in college in Atlanta GA. And if this sounds really similar to "Zwanna Son Of Zulu", in which a super powerful African prince comes to America and goes to college in Atlanta, well, you'd be right. Will THIS comic feature evil transvestites? Let's find out!
Arriving in Atlanta in a puff of smoke, T'Nakka is shocked to find homeless people living on the streets. Give it a few years T'Nakka, they'll all be cleared out in time for the 1996 Olympics. Trust me.
His interview with the Dean - and hey, I went to THAT VERY COLLEGE in Atlanta for YEARS and never saw the dean ONCE, he's there for ten minutes and gets a private interview?? - anyway, his visit is interrupted by a phone call. Apparently college students are using drugs! Well I never! Will "they", whoever "they" are, succeed in closing the school?!
On the other end of the phone call we have EVIL WHITE BIDNESSMAN Winston T. Montgomery and his pals, the Galaxy Rangers, who have been suppling drugs to the black community and at the same time arresting the drug dealers, thereby destroying the black community from both ends! Yes, giving black people their freedom to vote, work, live anywhere, and go to college - all part of their evil plan.
The heinous villiany of the white power structure is illustrated here as a biker and a cowboy beat up drug dealers... the same drug dealers that wouldn't have drugs to deal if the white villians hadn't supplied them with the drugs in the first place... now I'm confused.
T'Nakka is also confused, and spurred into action he begins a whirlwind program of outreach and reconcilation, educating children, bringing gangs together, and generally doing the kinds of things that make the world a better place. Don't worry, we'll be getting back to the hitting and punching soon enough!!
Meanwhile evil Whitey is annoyed that T'Nakka is "costing him millions." Their methods of destroying from within are being put "to a hault!" Captain Giant Sunglasses is assigned to deal with the situation. I predict teeth-gritting, posing, and double-bag foil-stamped trading card action!!
Here we see the underlying conflict of the story, as the seething rivalry between Georgia State University and Georgia Tech finally comes to the surface. Actually, Techwood Homes was a real housing project that was conveniently located next to the Ga Tech dorms, providing Techwood residents with a never ending supply of geeky, naive freshmen flush with Daddy's money and expensive toys. Sadly, Techwood was demolished to provide housing for Olympic athletes during the 1996 Games.
I bet you thought we were going to get through this comic without seeing the classic superhero "NOOOOOOOOO!" pose. Well, you were wrong!
Donning his superhero armor and superhero wig, posing for what appears to be a poster or perhaps one of those giant rugs you buy from a guy selling them out of a van at a gas station, Lionheart prepares to use his super sense of smell to track down the bad guys. I don't know about you, but that is one super power I can do without.
Here the truth behind America's drug nightmare is revealed -super redneck cowboys selling drugs to black teens, who will then be arrested by the same super redneck cowboys who will stop at nothing to achieve supremacy! But not if LIONHEART has anything to say about it!
What I love about super hero comic fights is the super ability these people have to deliver giant chunks of stilted expository dialog while pummelling each other. This, I promise you!
Yes, there was more than one issue of LIONHEART. This, I promise you!
Battle Queen Brema Shaka teleports in from Raman to take names and kick ass - but look out! This is a land where the practice of "tricknology" is fashionable! That's where you use technology to trick people. "Tricknology". Use some today!
As I often suspected, the drug trade keeping America's black community in chains is being controlled by Cobra Commander, who lives on a space station. He "heads many operations of chaos and disorder on Earth and abroad." Heading the disorder operations on Mars and Venus is tougher than you might expect!
However, our second issue wraps up unexpectedly as we find out that assorted background characters are actually Angels Of The Lord here to prepare the Earth for Armageddon. And might I add it's about time.
If you wanted to learn more about the various concepts utilized in this story, the publisher helpfully provides a four-page lecture delivered by a man in a suit. This could all easily have been typeset text, but I guess it's hard to color that with markers.
Don't sleep! Stay awake until your PROPHESY WEAR T-SHIRT arrives! Come on, you can do it! More coffee?
So, in conclusion, let me say in this comic's defense that it's way more coherent than, oh, say, "Zwanna Son Of Zulu".
On the other hand, "tricknology".
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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