Today's vocabulary lesson: "Hootenanny". Meaning, (1) a group sing-along, (2) a mid 60's TV show featuring group sing-alongs, or (3) the Replacements' second full-length LP, which featured songs like "Color Me Impressed" and "Take Me Down To The Hospital". And as wonderful as it would be to have a comic book about the Replacements, instead our story today features the traditional definition.
Did you never dream you'd meet anyone as exciting as a sunglasses-sporting hipster who hangs around all day plunking away on his guitar? Try the stairwell in the freshman dorms at any college, girly. Place is lousy with 'em. On the plus side, this story features a Betty Page cameo!
Wow, he works nights-- in a basement?? This guy is a REAL CATCH!
"Why don't you buy me some coffee, Ritchie? Surely you're not too busy, what with all your important sitting around and loafing and all! I know you beatniks have a strong work ethic and I respect that!"
Turns out Chickiee Baby's dad runs "Hoot Records", which was founded to bring the world the first comprehensive stereo recordings of the calls of every breed of owl, but has since branched out into folk music. Suddenly Ritchie is VERY INTERESTED in Chickee.
And soon Chickee and dad are penetrating the murky depths of Greenwich Village's deepest, darkest folk-music coffee houses. Take a walk on the wild side, Pops!
So let's listen to Ritchie and his deep, meaningful insight into the human condition as expressed in song.
Deep, baby, DEEP!
Dad, burning with resentment towards the entire phony Madison Avenue plastic-people ugly American death culture, makes a deal with Ritchie right on the spot! That's greatsville! But what about Chickee?? What about HER feelings?
"Oh brother! What I have to go through! Kissing this -UGH- teenage GIRL!! Well, anything for a record contract, I guess!"
First up on today's recording schedule, a scathing indictment of old men who get in your way when you're in a big hurry to buy some gum.
"Man, if I don't become a big star soon and have to quit kissing this teenage girl I am gonna FLIP MY WIG! I am SO SICK of KISSING TEENAGE GIRLS!!"
Today's your big break, Ritchie! Soon you'll have DOZENS of girls to complain about having to kiss!
I know there might be one or two of you out there who are shocked to discover that this sunglasses beatnik man turns out to have been using our sweet teenage protagonist to further his recording career, and I'm sorry. And now with one page left in our story we finally reach the climactic turning point - will Diane tell her dad that Ritchie is a heel?
Well, Dad was napping. So Diane took the path of least resistance and did nothing. And Ritchie's fame lasted about fifteen minutes, which is more or less about how long the whole folk-singing hootenanny craze lasted. That's the lesson for today, kids - let Dad nap.
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