Recently we lost one of our entertainment giants, a man whose decades-long career in film and TV brought laughter and warmth to millions. I'm speaking of course of Andy Griffith, whose folksy charm and genial demeanor charmed us all. Except in "A Face In The Crowd." Anyway, we here at Mister Kitty now pay tribute in the only way we can... by making fun of a comic book we're pretty sure Andy Griffith had nothing to do with.
We do beg your pardon for the editorial assistance by this comic's previous owner, though you must admit the black eyes and gap teeth do liven up this ordinary publicity photo. What appears to be an Italian passport stamp adds just the right touch of international mystery!
Oh, there's trouble in Mayberry, as a duo of nattily-dressed crooks are systematically knocking over every business in town. Judging from the title of this story, somebody is going to have to go undercover to solve these crimes! Will it be Goober? Aunt Bea? Otis? I bet it's Otis.
Tonight the part of Andy Griffith will be played by former President George W. Bush.
And the part of Barney Fife will be played by... by... I don't know who that is supposed to be. Ernest Borgnine's skinny kid brother or something.
Barney's Undercover Operation begins with our Master Of Disguise putting on a hat and a coat and a fake moustache. Even Opie sees right through that disguise! I think that's Opie. Might be the kid from "Lassie". It's hard to tell.
First stop on Barney's Disguise Tour is the barber shop. According to this comic book these guys are named "Joe" and "Charlie". I guess Floyd was on vacation, or the writer didn't bother to research more than four characters.
Undone by a hot towel, Barney threatens to bring the full force of the law down on these mockers. By the way, just want to mention that we're twelve pages into this comic, three of which were spent seeing Barney Fife sitting in a barber's chair. They take a nice relaxed attitude towards comic book storytelling down in Mayberry.
So, what will Barney's next disguise be? Magician? Spaceman? Viking?
Nope, it's Barney Fife in a dress and lipstick. I think that dress is right out of Jimmy Olsen's disguise trunk. "Hey, not a bad looker"?? I think what Mayberry needs is a good optician!
Barney's plan- dress like a woman and wander through town mingling with people. Hey, you have YOUR procedures, and Barney has HIS.
Barney Fife... investgating crime... in a dress. This is "umbarrassing" right out of the gate, Andy.
And right on cue, Barney's galvantin' has been upsettin' the whole town. Imagine - red polka dots with a yellow hat! Why I never.
Just you wait and see Andy, this costume will come in handy one of these days. The Pride Parade every year, for one thing.
Yeah, I went there.
Phase Two of Barney's Operation Crossdress is to hitch rides with suspicous men out on the interstate. This might be the most disturbing Andy Griffith ever!
Looks like Andy's switch-hitting has paid off! Who knew wearing women's clothes was such an effective crime-detecting tool?
"Yeah, that funny looking dame with the short hair, giant eyebrows, and Adams' apple, she's okay! Say, by the way, remind me to get my eyes checked when we're done with our crime spree."
Caught in the State Police dragnet, Barney is arrested along with the real criminals. Are the NC State Police moonlighting as Fashion Police?
And with an uncomfortable joke about gay marriage leaving young Opie confused and a little fascinated, we take our leave of Mayberry. Y'all come back, ya hear? Just don't needle Barney about his time in ladies' wear. He's got one bullet and he's not afraid to use it!
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