In the late 1950s Archie Comics Inc. decided to diversify their line of teen and gag comics back out into the superhero field. To this end they contacted Joe Simon and Jack Kirby and asked them what superhero character ideas they might have lying around that could be dusted off and turned into sure-fire comic book hits. S&K replied with "The Fly", the exciting story of an orphan who rubs a magic ring and turns into an adult superhero with fly powers and a "buzz gun", proving that even comic book legends can have the occasional clunker. The Fly would be cancelled in 1964, be brought back to cash in on the "Batman" TV craze as "Fly-Man", be cancelled again, be brought back in the 80s, cancelled again, be brought back in the 90s, and cancelled again. Let him rest in peace already, fellas! But on with our story.
At this stage of the game ('62) The Fly had abandoned the Billy Batson gimmick and was hanging around with a supermodel who also has fly powers and a buzz gun and who was named "Fly Girl". As we see here she hasn't the strength to fight all these huge bacteria. "We're goners!" says The Fly.
But the story of how The Fly and Fly Girl defeated the huge bacteria will have to wait for another day, because today's tale concerns the thrilling debut of THE ANTI FLY LEAGUE and their heinous plan to evilly throw darts at a cardboard cutout of their enemy. Curse those fiends!
One night at State Pen, Lex Luthor- I mean "The Spider", arch enemy of The Fly - is rescued from his cell by a green four armed-man on a robot flying horse monster. This would later become the basis for the popular TV series "Prison Break".
"The Anti-Fly League? What's that? You mean the group dedicated to improving batting practices in professional baseball as to reduce the incidents of fly balls and fouls? Count me in, fellas!"
We'll get right to the meeting as soon as we finish watching this episode of LOST IN SPACE on our big-screen TV. Bear with us, I wanna see how they deal with that Great Vegetable Rebellion!
So let's see here. Box-Head, Helmet Turtleneck Man, Mitt Romney, Haystack Man, Creepy, Ugly, and Zsa Zsa Gabor. A fine collection of villians!
Yeah, we get it, Fly Girl is supposed to be hot. I mean, firefly light is a chemical reaction that produces no heat whatsoever, even little kids know that, but whatever, comic book. Fly Girl is hot. Fine.
It's also important to note that Fly Girl's Buzz Gun works just fine, which is helpful for those times when The Fly isn't around, or might just be tired.
This one panel contains pretty much everything that makes comic books great - at least five crazy ideas all smashing into each other at once. I love comic books.
So! We're all agreed here in the Anti-Fly League that we hate The Fly and Fly Girl! Glad that's settled! Now who gets to take first crack at destroying them! Me! No, me! Pick me, teacher!
Luckily the lair of the Anti-Fly League comes equipped with a Fly-Spinner that utilizes a pointer shaped like The Fly to indicate which bad guy will tackle The Fly. That Anti-Fly League thinks of everything! Now SPIN THE FLY, Evil Vanna White!
And it's the Spider's turn to try and defeat the guy that keeps sending him back to prison. Well, why not, the law of averages is on his side, he's bound to win sometime. And he has the four natural enemies of insects on his side!
The Spider's first ingenious plan is to build a giant mechanical Venus Flytrap, fill it with poison, and hope The Fly hops into it. Sure, great plan. Why not just mail The Fly a pistol with a note attached that reads "Please shoot yourself"?
Luckily, like all insects, The Fly can glow with powerful light that can either be blazing hot or freezingly cold. What's that you say? NO insects do that? Surely you're mistaken.
The Spider's "Cloud Bird" - a giant bird that hides in the clouds waiting to pounce on The Fly and Fly Girl - is foiled when a convenient passing swarm of locusts tip off our heroes. The locusts then go on to destroy crops in five states, leading to agricultural disaster, but if you expect The Fly to do anything about it, sorry pal! Insects stick together!!
That Spider is some kind of genius. Who would have thought that a giant anteater on the side of the highway would attract any sort of attention?! Genius, I tells ya!
And here a giant anteater wraps his mile-long tongue around Fly Girl's body. I'm not POSITIVE this is some kind of fetish for somebody, but the chances are pretty good.
Luckily the mile-long tongue snaps back like a rubber band and the robot anteater is destroyed, sending giant springs and vacuum tubes flying all over the highway. Come on Spider, you only have one more chance to defeat The Fly and Fly Girl!
Too bad for you, Spider, that The Fly just happened to have a remote control robot Fly that contained within it a giant hook that The Fly could use to catch your giant robot fish. Just happened to have it lying around, glad to put it to some use finally.
Is anything The Spider did here even remotely a crime? Hell, he didn't even break out of jail, he was kidnapped by four-armed dude on the robot space horse. Lawyer up, Spider! Meanwhile Linda and the Anti-Fly League ("Linda"?) prepare to spin the Wheel Of Fly once again. Who or what will finally defeat The Fly? Besides poor sales and public disinterest, I mean? Nobody knows!!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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