Seems like every couple of years we're forced to endure the nightmarish invasion of political candidates as they infest TV, radio, billboards, the news media, and any other public venue they can claw their way into. But what if these rhetorical monsters were ACTUAL monsters? What if YOUR TOWN was run by... MONSTER MAYOR U.S.A.???
Apparently this is a "Green Glob Adventure", which is a story gimmick DC thought up in the mid 1960s that revolved around naming stories after things found on car windshields. What does the Green Glob think monsters would do upon gaining political control of a mid-sized American city? Throw darts at citizens. Those monsters love their darts.
The problem in Belmontville - a pre-monster Belmontville - is that the city fathers here don't like Barnes or that "wrong crowd" Barnes is in with. So they meet Joel at a hunting lodge to ask him to oppose Barnes for mayor. Gaining political office solely on the strength of your family name doesn't seem like good governmental criteria to me, but apparently it works for guys named George.
Joel's going to nix the whole plan, but THE GREEN GLOB has other plans! Remember THE GREEN GLOB was spawned in the black reaches of outer space, and as such has valuable experience in small town governance practices!
Belmontville - run by monsters? No, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you, those small town cops are ACTUAL monsters, and I'm not just talking about their poor arrest records, their corruption, or their propensity for racially motivated violence!
Joel's attempt to incite anti-monster-police civic unrest fails; the citizens of Belmontville simply don't want to get involved. That's a surprisingly metropolitian attitude for small town folk!
Death penalty for resisting arrest! That's the kind of law and order, get tough with crime legislation we need to straighten things out. If only WE could elect monsters.
Locked in a jail cell awaiting execution by a monster police force, Joel's thoughts wander back to his former "athletic go-go." Whatever happened to her?
Officer Wolfman here seems to be enjoying his beating. Hey, it takes all kinds to make up a monster police force. Now who can Joel run to? Wait - Elroy Barnes! He's a stand-up, responsible citizen! Surely he'll be underground leading the rebels, who must surely exist, against the monster civic government!
In a horrifying turn of events, citizens are being charged annoying fees for things that used to be free, and former public utilities are now parceled out at ridiculously high prices. For more information on the wonders of privatization, contact your nearest Libertarian Party member.
Oh no, even Elroy Barnes is a monster! Elroy Barnes is the monster mayor! AND I understand he's running with the 'wrong crowd'. You, sir, have LOST MY VOTE.
As we learn from this helpful story, you can always judge people by their looks. Weird-looking or strangely dressed people are probably corrupt and evil dictators, while clean-cut young lawyers from Washington DC are incorruptible heroes ready to fight for the public good. Just like real life!
Joel interrupts the all-male monster Pool And Darts Social, and as punishment is forced to endure the Gauntlet Of Monster Darts. Those things hurt!
Well, it looks pretty bleak for our hero and for good government in general - surrounded by monsters hurling darts, trapped in a nightmare world of horrifying dictators, with only the promise of momentary trampoline fun to brighten things. How will THE GREEN GLOB get Joel out of this terror?
Suddenly in an instant everything is back to normal. Joel, convinced by the vision bestowed upon him by THE GREEN GLOB, decides to run for mayor after all, to stop those hideous monsters from tearing down City Hall and throwing darts at him. That's as good a reason as any other, I suppose. Be sure to rant about green clouds from space inflicting monster-filled dreams in all your campaign speeches, Joel. The public will eat it up!
Nerds will be happy to know that THE GREEN GLOB was ret-conned into the DC Universe by having it be the creation of the Guardians, the same people who gave us Green Lantern. Joel went on to become Booster Gold's lawyer/boyfriend and Elroy Barnes, The Monster Mayor, briefly became a monster combination Batman-Superman in a particularly inept issue of "A Date With Debbi". THE GREEN GLOB was last seen in a cameo during a notorious "Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers" story involving Fat Freddy and a large Mexican dinner.
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