As STUPID COMICS scholars we dig through literally thousands of comic books every unspecified time period, just to bring you a few chuckles at the expense of the men and women who produced the things. And every once in a while we find an ad here or an out-of-context panel there that doesn't fit in with the week's theme, but is too interesting to just ignore. We save these oddballs in a pile and every so often we'll just throw them at you in a big grab bag of whatever. So let's go!
Hey, that's Roger Staubach, famous football star! He's standing alone in the woods playing with the biggest skittle bowl I've ever seen! Hey, let's... back away slowly and hope he didn't see us.
Spark up, kids! Then, afterwards, when you've got "the munchies", enjoy some Wheaties! Wheaties, the breakfast of stoners!
And then there was the time body-horror director David Cronenberg wrote an issue of "Supergirl".
That's what kids want to see, Supergirl spread-eagled, gaping in horror at some wrinkly, one-eyed beast? Paging Dr. Freud!!
No no, let's get back to some decent super-hero action with images from a record album of fake Batman music.
On the other hand I'm pretty sure "fruggin' the riddle" is some weird mid 1960s slang for sex. Or maybe cheating on a test. It's hard to say.
This is all too suggestive. Let's cut to some wholesome, decent kids comics!
That's right kids, if you've got big balls, bring them to the carnival! The bigger the better!!
Meanwhile across town parents are questioning the widsom of purchasing toys that will lead to their children being kidnapped by enemy spies.
Kids aren't really into the spy thing, either. What kids are into is Davy Crockett! What's that? We don't have the rights to Davy Crockett? Well, what's the next best thing?
Hey kids, Jim Bowie is JUST AS GOOD as that Davy Crockett guy! And if we mention Davy Crockett enough in the ads maybe you'll be fooled into thinking this comic book is about Davy Crockett! But it's not. It's about successful businessman Jim Bowie. HE WAS FRIENDS WITH DAVY CROCKETT!!!
Let's see, what else do kids like. Ice cream, that's what! And parties! And weird little plump homonoculi, kids love those!
This is your "party", Sally? Just telling everybody to meet you at the local Tastee-Freez? That's NOT A PARTY. You're a social failure at age 16, Sally, your reputation will never recover. Better change your name and move to a new town. Maybe Tee and Eff will help you pack, you know, them being so GODDAMN HELPFUL and all.
That's right, seething underneath the happy surface of comic books is a rampaging nightmare of degradation and horror. Just check out this Archie panel!
I don't know what happened here and I don't WANT to know! I don't want all my illusions about Riverdale shattered!
Maybe I'll just relax with a coloring book or something.
This is a charming book introduced by two friendly fellows. One likes to paint, and the other likes to color. And watch, he likes to watch.
Sorry, even that is getting a little suggestive. Let's move on to a nice romance comic, I'm sure it'll be wholesome and not suggestive at all.
See? She wants to know the truth about dick. That's pretty straightfoward!
She never thought of dick "that way".
But later she realizes that she'd feel lost without dick! Am I right, ladies?
However at one point she finds she doesn't feel the same wild excitement about dick.
Regardless, she's deeply loved by dick! DEEPLY! Ya get it? Huh?
Okay, that's pretty smutty. I'm sorry. Let's just calm it down here, get our minds out of the gutter, and go out on a classy note.
For instance, did I ever tell you about the time that Nancy's Aunt Fritzi became a sun-worshipping exhibitionist nudist!?
What did I tell you? Classy.
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