ONE ADAM-12, SEE MAN WITH A GUN... With those words TV law enforcement entered an exciting new realm as Jack "Dragnet" Webb moved from "Dragnet" into producing the adventures patrol cops dealing with the kooks and criminals of early 1970s LA. Yes, it's Adam-12! Starring Martin Milner (fresh from his big-screen success in VALLEY OF THE DOLLS) and Kent McCord, who would later go on to glory in GALACTICA 1980, these two patrolmen fight crime in cases taken from actual police files! And then there was the comic book, which might not adhere so closely to actual police files. Let's watch.
Uh oh, looks like this time Pete and Jim are up against the Prince Of Darkness himself! Was this covered at the Academy?
It's the early-to-mid 1970s and that means ugly modern buildings, captions that cannot be distinguished from dialog, and kidnappings.
The 1970s also means cults, cults, cults! Margo here has joined "Satan's Children" but her parents are trying to deprogram the devil right out of her. You're gonna want some holy water, some ropes, and a bucket, I think.
Sadly Margo is an adult and can throw her life away on any number of goofy cults if she so wishes. Even if it means she's being controlled by Satan!
Satan is all powerful in his wondrous shrine! No force can possibly detain the true children of Satan, and that's why... hey, let me go! Help! Help me, police! Satan is apparently busy right now!
Wait a minute, this Church Of Satan actually worships a tall guy named Satan! Not the metaphysical representation of evil, but an actual walking-around-person. With a "blasting wand," so look out.
Don't tell SATAN what he can and cannot burn! Satan is not restricted by your earthly zoning ordinances!
So right around this time on the show we get the B-plot, because the lives of patrolmen are busy and filled with widely varying adventures. Here's one now!
Little boy bit by wandering dog! Knowing little boys, he probably deserved it. But if we can't find that dog, then the child will have to undergo painful rabies shots! Stay away from strange dogs, kids.
And now back to Satan.
Satan listens to NO ONE and has lit the sacrifical flames of Lucifer worship inside his temple. Yup, lighting a bonfire inside. I figure we can just seal the doors and windows and this problem will take care of itself.
"That's right buddy. We're trying to keep you from uttering the words of power of the great clavicle of Solomon. That's exactly what we're doing."
A pissed off Satan hurls his "blasting wand" at Pete! Will Pete draw his own "blasting wand" and put four or five holes in Satan? Because that would be awesome.
Apparently Satan has a great bail bondsman AND a super hot car. This is a new and exciting now-a-go-go Satan for the 70s!
Oh no! Some stray dog is wandering into the path of Satan's Sportscar! Who is that dog? Is it the dog from earlier? Or is it...
DUKE THE SUPER ACTION DOG! He wants YOU to be his master! Brought to you by Kenner. Now back to ADAM-12!
Wait a minute, Satan didn't try to run the dog down? Satan tried to spare the life of an innocent creature? This isn't the Satan we know and love!
Whoops, Satan smashed his tiny car headlong into a tree. Usually this would result in grievous bodily harm, but Satan's only problem is the loss of his wig. Witness the power of Satan!!
And shorn of his long hippy hair and his giant Gene Simmons platform shoes, Satan is revealed to be a weasly little bald guy. His followers drop him like a hot potato and go off in search of a new mystical guru to give their life meaning. Pete and Jim get to tell everybody down at the station house that they arrested Satan himself. And the dog turns out to be the dog from earlier and the kid doesn't have to get rabies shots! All in all, I think this turned out about as well as you can expect a story about Satan and rabies to turn out.
Tune in next week for another exciting episode of ADAM-12 with special guest stars Barry Williams and Karen Black!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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