You always know when you're reading a silver age DC comic story, because the explanations, be they scientific or otherwise, are always so incredibly, mind-numbingly stupid that they insult the intelligence of anyone over the age of six. These are comics that would make any reasonable person ANGRY GRRR because you read all the way through a story only to receive the most ridiculous, anti-climactic finale as your reward. Here, I'll show you what I mean:
Hmm... water beneath the earth... negative... soooo... well water makes you walk through walls? But only if it comes from a REALLY REALLY DEEP well? Would it have killed them to just say, "hey, magic made me able to walk through walls! With magic!!"
I know many of you long-time readers were dying to know the story behind the cover on this early installment of Stupid Comics in which THE DAY RED TURNED TO GREEN. Because boy, wouldn't life be terrible if red turned to green? Well, if you must know, the story has a completely rational explanation, see? It's uh, aliens... with a sponge. That turns red to green! Because they don't like red. Never mind that purpley-red glow behind them as they explain this, they REALLY REALLY don't like red.
So, Jimmy Olsen (cub reporter) goes to an alien planet and asks the question that burns in the minds of everyone who ever watched pretty much any sci-fi on TV: "Why do you all speak English?" Well, folks, here's your answer. English is "efficient". You know, there are many ways I'd describe the English language; somehow "efficient" isn't among those ways. But then, I'm not some douchebag with a yellow plate on my head, so what do I know?
Okay, so Superman meets a gorilla that's apparently from Krypton because it's as strong and invulnerable as Supes himself. Not sure why that would wreck civilization but whatever.
Why, it turns out he's another dude from Krypton, just like Superman! Except unlike Superman, he'd turned himself into a gorilla, launched himself into space, and landed on Earth by accident. I'm beginning to understand how Krypton got itself blowed up-- too many scientists and their "daring experiments", that no doubt take place after consumption of lots of Kryptonian vodka.
And finally we have a story in which Lois Lane turns into an old crone and thinks it's because she becomes a witch when the moon comes up. Why does she think this? Well, duh. When you drink the serum, it turns you into a "hag" in the moonlight! And then uh, Superman... makes her think she can fly... for her sanity!! Really! It makes perfect sense when you think about it. You just haven't thought about it enough.
So, did reading these make you angry? It sure made me angry putting this page together.
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