today's guest reviewer: Billy from Mrs. Johnson's 5th grade class, PS 152


Last vacation my family went on vacation to the city and there was a Chinatown in the city so I said "Dad, buy me some fireworks." But he didn't, he bought me some Chinese comic books. Which are just as good if not better than fireworks. They are pretty cool and I learned a lot about Chinese culture and kung-fu (Chinese fighting) from them so that is the topic of my book report, these Chinese comics which are about Super Kung-Fu Dude and his friends.

This one is called "Super Kung-Fu Dude Versus The Kung-Fu Witch Ghost". I don't read Chinese but I had a guy explain this to me later down at the store that sells martial arts supplies, he knows everything about China and kung-fu. Next year I will be old enough to buy the ninja throwing stars.

There is lots of historical Chinese culture in these comic books, they are very educational.

For instance this story is about the two great heroes of Chinese history, Blondie and Hair In Face Guy, and the time they fought the Blue-Faced Mullet Man with swords for control of the world.

Blue-Face spun around real fast and they couldn't hit him. This is an ancient Chinese fighting technique which has a complicated name that translates to "spinning around real fast".

But all of the stories are not about fighting, some of them are about girls and things.

This story is about a long-haired kung-fu man who is in love with both a blonde girl and a white-faced girl with a dot. The dot girl is mad at him. Why?

Long-haired kung-fu man explains that he used to dress up like a ninja and sneak into her room at night and try to kiss her with his shirt off. I think I would be mad at him too.

Then long-haired kung-fu man gets sick. I got sick like this once. Except without all the maggots. Why is long-haired kung-fu man sick? He has a story to explain that too. He's full of stories.

One day he was in his boat looking at the stars. Then a pretty lady swam up and got into his boat. She asked to see his telescope, and then she dropped it into the water. She said it was an accident. I don't believe her. Girls are always doing stuff like this.

Then he met a hairy guy who had spiders and snakes living all over his body. They were his little friends. And then he was shown a heart in a box! Eww, gross! That would make me puke maggots too.

There was another story about a little guy fighting a big guy. Little guy is saying here "I will smash you with my Double Eagle Claw technique!" but big guy's stomach is too tough for little guy's claws.

Then little guy says "By The Power Of Grayskull!" and gets super kung-fu power and uses BOTH HANDS and defeats the big guy. That is the important kung-fu fighting lesson Chinese people learn from this comic. Use both hands.

So he finally defeats big guy and somewhere, a creepy man with no eyebrows is happy. I think. It's hard to tell.

But these Chinese kung-fu comics aren't all about men, there are girls too.

This comic is called "Super Girl Dragon Fighting" and it's about a girl who is normal and then sometimes she gets all green and mad. Kind of like the Hulk.

What's happening is that an evil kung-fu witch and an evil kung-fu master who is kind of like Darth Vader, they have captured Super Girl Dragon's boyfriend and are poking him in the chest with the pointy kung-fu witch fingers. Poke poke poke.

Super Girl Dragon asks them to stop, but the Darth Vader guy says "I think instead I will grope you, Super Girl Dragon!" But that is sexual harrassment and she does not have to take it because she's Super Girl Dragon Fighting!

Suddenly they are outside and fighting with kung-fu. Super Girl Dragon here is saying "I will use my Tiger Eagle Claw Technique to claw your eyes out, you Kung-Fu Witch!"

The villagers watch amazed as Super Girl Dragon shoots Kung-Fu Power Beams into the evil Kung-Fu Master's mouth and knocks out a few teeth. I asked the guy down at the martial arts store if he could teach me how to shoot teeth-destroying kung-fu power beams, but he says that it's a secret that only super karate kung-fu masters can learn.

I learned a lot from these Chinese Kung-Fu comics. Naked men cover their bodies with insects and scorpions, girls in pajamas shoot green and red force beams, and Chinese people dress up like ninjas and try to kiss girls while they sleep. And then puke maggots. Also, the Double Eagle Claw technique is unstoppable if you use both hands. China sounds like a fascinating place and I would love to visit there someday. I might try to avoid the hairy spiders and snakes guy, though.

Mrs. Johnson
PS 152