A sad fact of our modern world is the staggering amount of ignorance suffered by the young generation. They may have their internets and their MTV and their hippity-hop, but vast fields of knowledge are unknown to them. For instance, recently we were asked a simple question that demonstrated exactly how bereft of wisdom our children are. The question?

"What's a Cowsill?"


The Cowsills - Bill, Bob, Barry, John, Susan, Paul and Barbara Cowsill - were an American folk-pop band who burst upon the scene in the mid 1960s with a family sound that excited America's kids with the rock and roll, but reassured America's parents by not being TOO rock and roll. They were the inspiration for TV's "Partridge Family" and had a number of top-10 hits including the theme from "Hair" and the theme to "Love American Style". And they had their own comic book!


so now you're up to date with the Cowsills - are you ready to enjoy their super stupendous sensational pop art comic? No? Too bad.


We join the Phase 2 Cowsills (Barry, John, Bob and Bill) already in progress, playing their hits on a stage the size of a postage stamp to an audience of lust-crazed teenage girls who threaten to "schloove it" and "zoing 'em".


It was a time in American history in which any quartet of young men without obvious physical deformities capable of bopping around on a stage for fifteen minutes would drive girls absolutely screaming-mad crazy. Perhaps the GREATEST time in American history.


Yes Barry Cowsill, what would happen if you stopped running away from all those lust-crazed mini-skirted teenage girls who think Barry is A Groove? I have a pretty good idea myself, but this is a Code-approved comic.


Oh, well, it's a nice meet-and-greet with his pleasant fans who seem calm and composed. Except for the ones hollering "ATTACK!"


No, you weren't just slipped some recently-criminalized LSD - this is merely a metaphorical graphical allegory representing Barry Cowsill being groped and assaulted by fifteen or twenty teens.


Luckily John Cowsill has a psychedelically-decorated "Martian Tank" with which he will save his brother from all those girls. Forget the Cowsills, this is turning into an Emerson Lake & Palmer LP!


Sadly the Martian Tank is no match for teenage girls when they're determined to schlamp somebody good and hard. No tickling, girls!


The photographer told him to make a face "as if he was being assaulted by groupies." Apparently it's pretty enjoyable.

But what of our other two Cowsills, Bob and Bill? Will the police be able to protect them from all the groovy group groping happening down the hall?


Hm, these are some funky looking guards! And you haven't seen anything yet! What do you mean?


I think this mysteriously groovy guard intends to pad this thin story out to 16 pages, that's what I think they mean. But let's continue.


Remember, pop stars - teenage girl fans could be everywhere, disguised as anyone, ready at any time to zoing or schloove! You wish.


Bob and Bill prepare to get smunched, smushed, smooched, and smashed. And after they finish that fifth of scotch they smuggled into the show, they're gonna meet some girls!

No seriously, rock stars would never drink or do drugs and we do not mean to imply that such things would or could happen. We now return you to your comic book story about teenage girl pop star sex assault.


Bob and Bill get their own tripped-out psychedelic love-in. FINALLY!!!!


Carried through the streets like captured animals, the Cowsill boys resign themselves to their fate. You know what they say, if being tied up by teenage girls is inevitable, you might as well relax and enjoy it!


Aw, it turns out all the girls wanted to do was invite the Cowsills to their big WE LUV THE COWSILLS ice cream hot dog soda pop dance party. Whew. Soon after this episode, their mom Barbara Cowsill would join the band, ensuring a firm parental presence and the end to psychedelic groupie love-ins.

Barbara, Barry, Bill and father Bud are no longer with us, but the Cowsills are still performing and you can catch them on a Caribbean cruise early next year along with Paul Revere & The Raiders! Get your miniskirts ready, girls!!

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