And then there was the time that Archie got drafted!

It's 1971 and the country is tearing itself apart over the war in Vietnam. Nobody was immune from the controversy, and that includes Archie Comics, which of course stars high school students who aren't particularly concerned one way or another about going to college. In other words, draft bait! How will America's least-controversial comic book company deal with this sensitive issue?

Well, as we see on the inside, M/Sgt Bean gets demoted to a mere Sergeant. But Archie and the gang? They passed their physical and they're in the army now! How will they take this life-changing upheaval?

Well, they're pretty calm about it. After all, they don't have any choice in the matter. They're going to go defend freedom in Southeast Asia whether they like it or not, because, I dunno, uh, domino theory, worldwide Communist conspiracy, Gulf Of Tonkin, Standard Oil Company, um, freedom, or something.

And Jughead is concerned about food. I'm curious as to how he passed his psych tests, myself. If anybody in the Archie gang could get himself a psychological deferrment, it's Jughead.

Hi there Clyde, you incidental hippy character whom we've never seen before and will never see again! I wonder if we'll be getting into some kind of intense argument with you? Oh, that peace rally? We'll be holding it in Duc Than province in a few months. And it won't be so much a 'peace rally' as it will be a 'fire fight' with 'Charlie' who will be 'shooting at us'.

By the way Clyde; nice purse.

Clyde's down with it, man! Right on! Burn your draft card! Up against the wall! Kick out the jams, brothers and sisters!

I never really understood the value of burning your draft card, myself. Burn all you want; the draft board will just print more.

Well it JUST SO HAPPENS, mister smarty pants, that WE THE PEOPLE elected the politicans that got us into this stupid war! Except... except we're teenagers and can't vote, so we didn't elect anybody and have no choice in the matter whatsoever. Which is why we don't trust anybody over 30.

So Archie is as opposed to the war as anybody, but is still willing to go fight in it? That's a level of "opposed to the war" that I believe can easily be surpassed, to be honest.

Well, looks like Clyde has pulled another straw man argument out of his man-purse. To be honest, I guess I shouldn't be expecting world-class debate on complex national issues from "Everything's Archie" #16.

Two wrongs don't make a right, Clyde! Our choices are either go to Vietnam and get killed, or burn America to the ground, and those are our only two options!

And remember, if we don't have any respect for the laws of this country then we'll have nothing but chaos and confusion. Isn't that right President Nixon? What's that? Too busy subverting the Constitution to comment? Well, we'll catch you later.

Clyde. CLYDE. You need to stay on-message! Don't get all sidetracked with other issues! Why, if this keeps up, every protest for the next forty years will be a mish-mash of clueless hippies drum-circling their way around fifteen or twenty separate pet obsessions, and they'll be unable to get anything done! And that would be terrible.

What do we want? CHANGE! When do we want it? NOW! How do we want it? WITHOUT VIOLENCE!

Not quite sure what Archie means when he says "you do it by making our voice heard." I think the writers were twisting themselves in knots here trying to address controversial issues without actually being controversial themselves. It's tough sometimes out there in the middle of the road.

Let's get off this rap, fellows. It's getting a little heavy. Exchange hippy drug-brother peace signs and we'll move on!

And as Sunday comes, a giant crowd of peace-loving hippies congregate to hear Archie "tell it as it is!" The phrase is generally "tell it LIKE it is," however, Archie Comics might be OK with hippies but is dead set against bad grammar.

Finally the Department of Defense has taken off the kid gloves in regards to Vietnam. Look out VC, we're sending in the Archies!!

So many problems in America! Bigotry, pollution, war, education (??)- what's Archie's solution to this crisis?

Let's use reasoning and work together, because (cue soundtrack to HAIR).

Nothing a crowd of hippies loves more than a speech extoling American exceptionalism! This is actually taken verbatim from a lecture Abbie Hoffman delivered - while naked - at Woodstock.

Wait, what are you saying? This is some kind of what-if imaginary story?! Archie's NOT drafted because he's perpetually a 17-year old high school junior and as such is beyond the laws of man, God, time and space? And that as the ultimate solution to the problems of war, pollution, racism, and hippy man-purses, we should go to the record store and buy Archies albums? RIGHT ON!