Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water - it's an attack by the deadliest creature on Earth! The one with two legs and a brain and a maniacal desire to crush and destroy beyond all rational comprehension, who moves through the water, air, and on land with one purpose - to conquer! Yes, I'm talking about the bumblebee. No, wait, man, I'm talking about man, I'm talking about FROGMAN, the focus of a very short period of time in which the idea of putting on a rubber suit and diving down into the murky depths of the ocean, a nearby lake, or that pond out in Old Man Johnson's pasture was suddenly embued with a mystery and a wonder reserved for astronauts or cowboys. Luckily for popular culture, the frogman fad only lasted a few years, but that was enough to give us a TV show starring Lloyd "by this time my lungs were aching for air" Bridges, and this here comic book.
It's the Frogmen, who can... pass a certification course, spend some cash renting some equipment, and swim under water! How amazing. What thrilling undersea adventures will they face this time as they choose between the monsters of the deep, or Dr. Vogar's Insane Machine? I'll pick the monsters, Bob.
Get suited up with your scuba suit, your spear gun, your knife, and as much oxygen as you can strap on your back on your desperate mission to collect sponges. I understand MOST divers can collect sponges without all that stuff, but hey, they aren't FROGMEN.
These guys are so good at being frogmen. How good? So good that an evil scientist has dispatched an ocean liner and an army of thugs to kidnap them at gunpoint to force them to perform frogmen duties. You could probably just straight-out hire decent divers for what this little gig has cost - and we're only on page two - but when you're an evil scientist, every step of your evil science has to be as evil as possible.
Hey, we've been kidnapped to a foreign nation by an evil Dr. Sivana type guy who is clearly a madman with an evil mind, but at least there's dinner.
Dr. Vogar's evil plan has been to grow fish real big. Spent his whole life growing big fish! Hey, at least he's into drugs or that horrible rock music.
That's one thing I like to see, a frogman with a healthy hatred for the ugly, slimy, bug-eyed monsters of the deep. He hates the sea and everything in her!
So that's your evil science plan? To see if human beings can survive in the water alongside fish? ONE TRIP to Sea World at feeding time would show you... oh, never mind. Sure, all fish are deadly killers lusting for human blood. Fine, whatever.
DEADLY STINGRAYS! We don't stand a chance against them, unless we sort of just leave them alone! This will take all our intelligence, to restrain from messing around with these fish!
Just to keep things interesting - and incidentally, to probably kill all his great fish - Dr, Vogar has installed giant turbines inside his fish tanks. There's nothing prized aquatic specimens love more than to be whirled around at high speed by giant machinery.
I am shocked and astonished at the conclusion of this scientific experiment, which ended with two men killing two fish. Surely such an outcome has never happened before ever, except every day, everywhere that fish happen to be!
Surely our frogmen heroes will attempt to escape the Castle Of Dr. Vogar. But what are the chances that this escape will necessitate the use of their scuba gear? Pretty high, I'd say. This book isn't called "The Normal Street Clothes Men!"
Turns out the frogman gear isn't so great for climbing down the vine-covered sides of castles. However, what's at the bottom? Water! Who's laughing now?
Of course there's an octopus in the lake, which Vogar must have created as a salt water lake as a playground for his fish. Because fish need playtime
Captured again, our frogmen heroes FINALLY figure out that Dr. Vogar's science may not be quite up to National Oceanographic Institute standards.
Pushed into a tank with sharks! The ultimate death sentence! Why, on average, 4 people are killed EVERY YEAR by shark attack, which makes them deadlier than, um, let me see... well, actually, lots of things are more likely to kill you than sharks. More people die every year from BEE STINGS. Don't tell Dr. Vogar that, he'll start growing giant bees.
The good doctor is giving them a sporting chance, however - he's given them a spear gun. This will make it easier for them to do what people generally do to sharks, which is kill all of them all the time. Sharks are endangered, you know. We're doing a MUCH better job of killing them than they are of killing us. It's as if they don't even know they're in a deadly war with people! Stupid sharks.
Here we see what makes our Frogmen heroes so special, which is their ability to communicate telepathically. Comes in pretty handy sometimes!
Why he isn't using that spear gun to shoot the sharks at all. What kind of wimpy, wussy, sissy failure of a frogman do we have here? Start killin' some sharks, boy!
Oh, there he goes, rather than kill sharks one at a time he's doing them all at once. That's American ingenuity for you!
One thing you gotta know when you're a frogman, in this comic anyway, is how to deliver paragraphs and paragraphs of useless dialog as you stand amidst the wreckage of your shark-killing frenzy.
Well, there's nothing we can do here! We've left a horrifying scene of death and destruction. Maybe one or two of those henchmen were still alive... no, nothing we can do. Better hike back to town in our flippers, and remember to check references the next time we're shanghaied at gunpoint for dubious scientifc experimentation. So long, Frogmen. May your air hoses never break!
Most astonishing fact I learned today about frogmen? That this dull, over-written, nonsensical comic lasted ELEVEN ISSUES. Pity the children of 1964.
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