The world of tomorrow holds many amazing wonders that will make our lives easier and better. We look forward to many future miracles, including the eradication of disease, the exploration of unknown worlds, solving the mysteries of the atom, and, of course, no more telephone wires!
Yes, in this high-speed modern world in which we live, microwave relay stations are being erected that may very well "spell the doom to" telegraph and telephone wires! I can think of a few other things that may doom telegraph wires... like, say, every other means of communication invented since 1876. But let's not think of doom. Just look at the fun crew in the corner there, engaged in what appears to be a long-distance arm-wrestling contest, or something. Such fun the future will hold.
AT&T, here represented by a smirking crime-lord, details its sinister plans for world domination via a series of giant towers emitting deadly rays.
Our AT&T kingpin demonstrates his amazing psychic powers by answering the question before the reporter even asks it! And here, here's a helpful chart with high points and elevations in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, and parts of New York. Some of those stations are right in the middle of dank, mixed-breed, drooling Lovecraftian fish-men territory, so watch out, construction crews!
By the way, Jackie Jones Mountain (yep, "Jackie Jones Mountain") is now a state park that features a rickety fire tower and the ruins of the former estate of the family behind the Karo Syrup fortune, and is well worth a visit if you're in the area.
Did you know that building roads involves surveyors? And that photographs of surveyors are available for free if you need them for reference when padding out a six-page story involving microwave relay stations? Another helpful comic art tip from Mr Kitty.
Frank is rightfully proud of his healthy regularity and marks every spot with painted letters. His co-workers remain disgusted
Soon giant trucks roam the landscape, installing AT&T's "relay systems" atop looming towers that will broadcast their weird rays across the landscape, their little warning lights blinking ominously in the darkness. None shall escape. Hurry, willing slaves! Pound those stakes! Build those equipment shacks! Our telephone-wire dooming plans must adhere to a strict timetable!
Here we see the wonderful future that AT&T has in store for America, as Smug Man and Long Suffering Wife wedge themselves into their boxy, uncomfortable "easy chairs" to enjoy the first of decades' worth of football games on what appears to be a jukebox or perhaps the lower half of an arcade game cabinet.
Meanwhile, the Western Union Telegraph Company - one of the mightiest corporations in the world, whose market share of the all-important telegraph business will always be supreme - announces that telegrams will soon be transmitted via radio instead of hundreds of thousands of miles of expensive metal wire! We've had radio for what, fifty years, and we just now thought of this! It's this kind of forward-thinking futurism that will keep Western Union at the forefront of communications technology for at LEAST the next five or ten years.
Boy, we sure saved a bunch of wire. Instead we'll build hundreds of radio relay towers, which naturally don't need any wire at all. They work by MAGIC and FAIRY DUST. Just think of it! Thousands of telegraph operators handling tens of thousands of telegrams zipping all over the United States, arriving at the local office, being printed out by a little machine, handed to the delivery boy, who rushes off on his bicycle to deliver that telegram to YOU. Such an efficient system! And as we all know from old movies, telegrams are ALWAYS bad news. Hooray!
Interruptions due to ice, wind, trees, or electrical disturbances will be negligible. Except when ice forms on trees which fall down on the wires bringing electrical power to the microwave relay transmitter, since we still use wires for electric current. And don't even get me started on multipath distortions caused by lakes or rivers! Yes sir, microwave relay towers are an important part of our amazing communications infrastructure, except where they've been supplanted by the cheaper and more efficient satellites or fiber optic cables. Which is most places, these days. However, you can still see the giant towers dotting the landscape here and there, looming over us all with the huge C-band horn transmitters, lending a futuristic sci-fi element to even the most pastoral scene.
The big question - will telegraph wires be as obsolete as the horse and buggy? Yes. Yes they will. In fact they will be MORE obsolete than the horse and buggy. You can still take a horse and buggy ride... but just try sending a telegram.
and as an extra special Catholic Comics treat, let's check in with Petey And His Maw, who should probably visit their optometrist ASAP.
Sweating bullets, hollering, googly eyes rolling around in their over-sized skulls, hustling around the neighborhood to bother the elderly, this is a family unit that should be locked up as a menace to the community. Let's get it together here, Catholic Comics. Don't make me call the Pope on you.
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