Thanks for choosing Mister Kitty's Stupid Comics Travel Service for your upcoming visit to "The Big Apple", New York City! Here's some interesting and exciting information that may help with your vacation planning.
New York City is a vibrant metropolis full of amazing architecture, impressive monuments, and an exciting population of active young people pursuing fun, fulfillment, and kicking, right here in the city that never sleeps.
Our capable team of travel coordinators and tour guides will take you on an amazing journey through the wonderland of NYC! Face-smashing, brutal whippings, and kung-fu kicks are just three of the perks of our directed tours.
You'll thrill to the authentic urban atmosphere of trendy neighborhoods like "the South Bronx", full of local color, fascinating characters, and untamed wildlife (please have proof of immunization on hand when arriving in NYC).
The mysteries of the Orient will reveal themselves to you as our actual Chinese associates initiate you into all the fascinating secrets of the eternal East, as represented by Chinatown. Handbags and DVDs purchased on this part of your tour may not be 100% legitimate, but at these prices, who cares?
You'll be invited to participate in games of skill with the locals at colorful neighborhood taverns. Maybe 'invited' isn't quite the right word. 'Required', perhaps.
Swimming and other water sports are plentiful in New York City's many rivers, harbors, ponds, and sewers (please have proof of immunization on hand when arriving in NYC)!
Like most New Yorkers you'll immerse yourself into an amazing full-body workout that strengthens your core muscles while at the same time confusing the hell out of your mind.
Soon you'll be fit and ready to engage with the day to day life of New York and its fellow citizens, cheerful and friendly and always up for a healthy street fight.
But it's not all fun and games! Stimulating conversation with some of NYC's most prominent citizens and their lady friends will engage and delight the senses! Some teeth discoloration may occur.
You'll have moments of startling introspection as you and your very existence are called into question, as you weigh your courage against that of your sworn comrades.
If you're very lucky, you'll be able to experience a rare "vigilante street gang trial" in which the crimes of prominent gangsters are detailed in startling clarity, marred only slightly by the failure of the layout department to understand where the trim marks are on each page. Seriously this comic book went to press like this. Rulers, fellas, I know they have rulers in NYC
And then, the high point of your NYC experience; violent dislocations of the spine, neck, and torso! Also strangling. And floating eyeballs and mouths. But that's NYC! We hope you enjoy your tour and will use Mister Kitty's Stupid Comics Travel Service for all your travel and vacation needs.
And now... LET'S ROCK AND ROLL NEW YORK CITY STYLE
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