Last time we covered "The Roller Coasters", the first appearance of which was in the second issue of "L.I.F.E. Brigade", which spurred dim memories of having covered this particular piece of mid 80s goof a while back. And we did! But we got to thinking, did we really give issue #2 of L.I.F.E. Brigade the attention it deserved? Probably not! So here we go, kids.
We're back with The Gimp, Cher, One Eyed Rod Stewart, Iron Man, and RRRRR Guy as they blast their way across a landscape of skulls.
In case you aren't up to speed on what's been happening, these freaks blasted into space, found a robot, got worried about the Earth, blasted back to Earth, found it had been conquered by the evil Vanda space aliens, and had to hide in a cave, which was...
FULL OF ATOMIC CANNIBAL MUTANTS!! These "rad-mutants" have turned to cannibalism with blood-lust, and total insanity! You don't want your cannibalism WITHOUT blood-lust or total insanity, that's just uncomfortable for everyone.
Whew, here comes the "normal people" in their giant eight wheeled armored funny car. Perfectly "normal".
Our heroes are saved by the "Zone Ranger" and his pal Two-Ton, who have the strangely cartoony look of advertising characters designed to get us to learn water safety or use less electricity or use the crosswalks, one of those.
You'll notice here the habit this comic has of putting random bits of dialogue into "quotes" so that "everything" reads as if "characters" are being "sarcastic", which "really" makes this story of the "destruction" of the "Earth" "hard" "to" "read."
Hey, the Atomic Oracle here finally got around to reading the first page of his own comic!
Looks like the "dude" that made this secret nuclear war shelter thought of everything! Except how to save Led Zepplin from atomic destruction. Where is he now? I think he's roaming the atomic wastelands with Jim Morrison, who faked his own death and now speaks only in rock lyrics. I bet they're having some amazing adventures!
Looks like Tania here is putting the moves on the sexy one-eyed spaceman with the destroyed face. You can tell she's flirting; all women lean at weird angles when they flirt. It's a thing they do.
John Lazer is haunted by dreams of must have happened, without "beening" able to do anything.
"Beening". Thank you L.I.F.E. Brigade, you've invented new, previously-assumed-stupid forms of grammar!
Ever have one of those dreams where suddenly you're trapped in the hand-painted skull decorating the back of a teenage heavy metal fan's denim jacket?
Meanwhile, Emperor Qualestro of the Vandas kicks back, opens a cold Coors 16 ouncer, and watches some videotape of just how bad things were on Earth. How bad were things? Just watching a VHS tape was punishable by death!
Looks like that Donald Trump administration didn't work out for anybody, did it?
I gotta say that Quatloo here has a point. We did kind of screw things up.
Emperor Con Queso ordered "The Atomic Oracle" destroyed, but space rumors (?) say that the L.I.F.E. Brigade reassembled him, so they send a space "investagation" squad, which is startled by another spaceship zooming in for a space landing with his space wings because space
This bounty hunter is here to confirm the space rumors. Take him to your "emporor"! And if you'd been paying attention while reading issue number one, page seventeen, you'd know this already! Way to make me feel like buying issue one was a waste of money, comic!
Uh oh, the Vandas have herded some people into "Blood Alley" for a mass execution. I guess expecting a birthday party or a picnic in "Blood Alley" is probably too much to ask. I mean, you're in "Blood Alley" already, might as well do some mass killing, that's why it's called "Blood Alley".
HANDY TIPS FOR SPACE EMPERORS - while setting a trap for the rebel scum, make sure you loudly proclaim every part of your cunning plan while standing out in the open. Just holler that secret plan to the treetops. Louder!
The ambush, the double ambush, by Qualestro's name nothing can go wrong with our loudly shouted plan!
Uh oh, it's the triple ambush! EDNOTE: Qualestro is kind of stupid
SEE IF MY TELE-BLAST CHANGES YOUR MIND! It did indeed. Quatloo used to think tele-blasts were pleasant, whimsical diversions -but not any more!
Consulting your ancestors in the CYRSTAL OF LIFE is always a wise plan. They love hearing from you! It really brightens up their day. I personally did not have to use mysterious magic to learn Qualestro's plans - all I did was stand in the same time zone and listen to him bellow the whole scheme at length.
Defeated, Qualestro reclines luxuriously and marvels at the tightly muscled star-warriors looming over his prostrate body. Now GET READY FOR MORE ADVENTURE!
Except don't, because that's all for now. Will we be seeing some GREAT SURPRIZES in issue #3? I sure hope so, because there's a promise involved.
PREVIOUS STUPID COMICS
NEXT STUPID COMICS
BACK TO STUPID COMICS INDEX
BACK TO MAIN INDEX