FAIR WARNING, PEOPLES: This is one more terrible inept confusing meandering pointless black-and-white boom comic that lasted one solitary issue, leaving its one or two readers confused and frustrated, lying dormant in bargain longboxes for decades, only to rear its black-and-white head once more to confuse and frustrate. Don't say you weren't warned.
So we have a mixed bag here with the cover. On the plus side, it delivers a big slice of cheesecake courtesy a traced lingerie model. On the other hand, she's about to be groped by a flying man in a sweater vest. Just some of the surprises no doubt in store here in issue #1 of... "Canmas"? "Favnas"? Let me look inside. "Tammas". That's what this comic is called. "Tammas". Thanks, calligraphy. You're a big goddamn help.
Page one of issue one begins with 'Hail And Farewell'. Okay then! See ya later!
Seriously though, can we go? Do we have to go through this comic starring a high school goblin mascot and Sweater Vest Hat Man? We do? Dang.
It's an arrow-tastic funtime as Sweater Boy trips and avoids the hail of arrows that, according to how we read comic books right-to-left here in the West, hits Goblin Boy, and then vanishes mysteriously in the next panel. Hey, if you're going to ignore panel-to-panel transitions, ignore the HELL out of them, that's what I say!
Take cough cough the ring cough and cough Tammas cough cough use it, find Brag, unite the three rings, cough, find Brag, help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, take the ring to Mount Doom, et cetera et cetera.
Hey, remember that time you had quadrilaterals in geometry class? Remember? Sure you do. Remember how teacher said that if you felt your comic book's script or art wasn't quite interesting enough, you should use quadrilaterals and crazy angles and weird panel transitions to disguise your storytelling shortcomings? You don't remember her saying that? No, you don't, because nobody EVER said that. Now END THIS WAR!
Our mysterious hunters have killed the last troll. The internet is safe again! Now to find "the manling"!
"Manling". That's what you're going with, comic? Really. That's more of a shitty George Lucas sequel sort of thing, don't you think?
Speaking of George Lucas, turns out the bad guy driving all this mysterious hunter action is named "Sith", just like the evil order in Star Wars. Well, let's be fair, Lucas stole that himself to begin with. There's a whole Laurel & Hardy thing going on here that I hate, and the panel border is a tree, which I also hate. To paraphrase George Lucas, I'm giving in to hate.
GODDAMN IT TAMMAS, NOBODY READS COMIC BOOKS CLOCKWISE! Stop doing this! What's your problem, the 6-panel grid isn't exciting enough for you? Doesn't quite capture the MAJESTY of your AMAZING ORIGINAL STORY involving magic rings and trolls and magical ponds and sweater vests? Or do you just hate your readers and the whole idea of coherence altogether? I think you do.
And FINALLY we get to Girl In Her Underwear, who lives in our normal non-troll world, as evidenced by the pop culture references and the painstaking isometric perspective that doesn't quite work and doesn't quite know why. That's the normal world, all right!
Hey, smacked in the skull with a big heavy book, I bet that sweater-vest man, whose name is Tammas, this comic is named after him, I bet Tammas is in sweet dreamland no longer thinking about trolls or rings or sweater vests. Lucky Tammas.
"Remember Erin, one day you will meet someone who shares my terrible taste in jewelery, and you will trust him and believe him in all things. Until then, enjoy the 1980s in all its Nagel-print glory!"
You can really see that flood of emotions playing across Erin's carefully rendered face, can't you? Sure you can.
"Thank ye". Oh great, this guy is going to have some kind of annoying quaint speech impediment. No thank ye.
Yes, yes it is all so horrible. It started on page one. Well, the cover, it started with the cover.
"So in 1918 I left Scotland to avoid serving in World War One." Ladies and gentlemen, we have here the only Scotsman in history to ever run away from a fight. Yeah, you'd better run, you white-feather-sporting slacker. Keep going, America doesn't want you either!
Once in New York, he found an old guy who was picking up young men on the docks. He was so friendly!
Tammas here worked his way up from shit-shoveller to Head Groundskeeper through sheer hard work, pluck, and determination, while the boss's son Alan wastes his time with DRINKING and WOMEN, two things no self-respecting Scots would ever involve himself with. No sir.
Alan's DRINKING and WOMEN