If it's high-flying adventure you're looking for, then you need look no further than Adventure! With the Brothers! Yes, it's the Spire Christian comic that grabbed the kids too old for "Barney The Bear" and too outraged by Spire's non-canon "Archie" comics and too closely watched to ever get anywhere near an issue of "Daredevil". Can Al Hartley cram religion into every panel of a fairly standard adventure story? Dunno, but he'll sure try.
It's Pete (glasses) and Tom (no glasses) Brothers, the Brothers brothers! In this week's exciting episode, they and their airplane help to smash a smuggler's ring! Also they visit a spooky castle and what appears to be Toot The Tiny Tugboat!
Just another day of flying around the islands taking pictures of the clothing-optional resort... I mean, the wonders of nature, when suddenly the Brothers fly over an island full of people shooting at them. That's kind of suspicious!
I'd say this statement is so far unsupported by facts. Maybe these are just private fishermen who really value their privacy!
High-speed boats, mysterious bales, bearded day laborers, and a girl spelling "HELP" on the ground in letters... of pure cocaine! Something tells me these guys are smugglers!
A emergency medical call from Castle Cay brings Dr. Brothers and his sons the Brothers brothers flying back to the island in a different plane. I wonder what the drug smugglers on Castle Cay will say when they find out this isn't Dr. Joyce Brothers? They really wanted to meet a TV celebrity!
Wouldn't you know it, the Brothers stumble across the girl in the photo, lounging around on the sofa, looking for someone to help her open that jar. That's what the "help" was for, right?
OH NOES SHE'S HOOKED ON THE DEVIL WEED!
She tried and tried to kick the pot habit - been through all kinds of rehab - but the intense physical addictive properties of "mary jane" have their claws in her and will never let her go until the "pot" has dragged her down to the very depths of marijuana addiction! (munchies, lethargy, crazy piano playing, lots of Mario Kart)
Meanwhile Dr. Brothers, after an intense examination and an appearance on Carson, has determined that the King Of Castle Cay has been getting high on his own supply and is coming down after a serious overdose. Because that's what all successful, island-owning drug kingpins do, they personally get addicted to drugs, that's their key to success.
"The pirate who built this place knew all about treachery! And proper building codes ensuring multiple exits in case of emergency! And masonry - just look at the pointing on that brickwork. Over here we can see where "tabby" utilizing both granite and oyster shells was used to... sorry, weed makes me talkative."
Also weed makes your head get really huge! Is that weed? Did we get dosed with LSD instead? Am I freaking out right now? I'm freaking out, right?
That's right Lori, just turn every topic of conversation around until it's all about you. Self-obsessed stoners are the worst!
Here's a tip, Drug Smuggler Rifleman; 'don't let them get away' would be a good thing to say BEFORE you leave them alone with your weed girl to wander unsupervised around your drug-smuggling castle. Once they're on their airplane, not so much.
They aren't afraid of Charlie! I mean, what's Charlie going to do? Shoot the pilot of a flying plane forcing them all to fall to their deaths? That's so Charlie!
(sad trombone noise)
Look Lori, we can just drop you back off on that island. Would THAT make you happy?
Oh my god she's gone full page Al Hartley Disco Drug Freakout!
I guess that's what drugs are all about, running away from life while getting really, really high. And occasionally shoplifting.
The Brothers brothers can't let more lives get suckered into drugs, so it's a quick phone call to the DEA and a ringside seat as six Coast Guard cutters uncork a truckload of well-equipped 5.5mm whup-ass on that island full of hairy dopers, and... no, wait, we'll do it ourselves. We've got a rope!
Meanwhile Lori struggles to remember the last prayer she heard, which was her grandmother loudly hollering "JESUS, I NEED A 37!!" down at Bingo night.
"I think her prayers are being answered - and apparently she was praying for something really weird to happen to my face!"
It's low-level parachute insertion time as Pete Brothers - the ACTION brother - rides the thermals down onto the docks and prepares to throw a wrench in their drug-running works!
Damn, Charlie spotted him already! That's Charlie, all right!
(special notice) TONIGHT THE ROLE OF CHARLIE IS BEING PLAYED BY ALFRED MOLINA
I dunno guys, I don't blame the drug smugglers here; some asshole parachutes onto your private property and scuttles four or five of your expensive boats, you're gonna shoot at him too.
It's not often you see these water-skiing based extraction techniques - developed in the secret Air Force training facility at Cypress Gardens - used by civilians.
Also of note, here Al Hartley throws a shout-out to his fellow Christian cartoonist Jack Chick by including one of Chick's favorite lines of dialogue, to wit; "HAW!"
Sure, try climbing into the open cockpit of a tiny two-seater seaplane, while wearing water skis, while flying 1000 feet above the ground. You'll be finding religion pretty fast, I bet!
Looks like a hurricane is coming! I wonder how they'll tie Jesus into this particular bit of natural phenomena. I mean, they haven't mentioned Jesus in four or five pages!
There we go. Ahhhh. Use handy this method to insert "The Lord" into darn near every conversational topic imaginable. Try it with your friends!
See there's a storm outside and LORI has had storms in HER life too. Because it's ALL ABOUT LORI
Lord -- I've smoked SO MUCH WEED that my lungs look like a bag of Kingsford Kwik-Lite Briquets. Please teach me about edibles. Thank you. Your pal, Lori.
Pete! And the other one... what's your name... uh... Tom! That's it! Pete and Tom! I command you to get Castle Cay on the radio so that I can preach to them about Jesus! Do it now, before my head gets any bigger!
If you thought you were going to get "drugs" but the real answer was "Jesus" then by golly you are asking some strange questions.
That eyeball is slipping again Lori.
Look Lori, trying to get drugs to people devastated by a destructive hurricane isn't arrogance, it's good Christian charity! Storm survivors need to get high more than ANYBODY!
FUN DRUG SMUGGLING FACT: bales of pot float.
Oh no Charlie! He was on the boat and it sunk and now he's surrounded by sharks! Classic Charlie!
OH SHIT CHARLIE! CHARLIE GOT TOTALLY KILLED BY THAT SHARK!
See here in the world of Spire Christian Comics we're not bound by the Comics Code and therefore can have people smoking, drinking, taking drugs, and being killed by sharks, a lurid, exploitative comic book aesthetic that Spire completely did not intend and yet one the 11 year olds reading this comic book in the back of Sunday School class totally appreciate.
Tom how do you even know Charlie was on drugs? He had it together enough to leap onto a flying airplane, that's not something a smacked-out junkie normally does. Maybe he was on PCP. Okay then.
Notice how Lori, ONCE AGAIN, brings that conversation RIGHT BACK TO HOME BASE because IT'S LORI'S WORLD AND WE'RE JUST FLYING AROUND IN IT. Jesus, Lori!
Eternity in the belly of a shark is a long, long time, and no one ought to spend it without God! So remember this before you start smoking up with those losers behind the gym or start doing rails of coke in the nightclub or start applying mascara with a masonry trowel, life without God is hell - and life WITH God reportedly involves twin brothers, adventure and constantly turning every discussion towards Jesus and/or yourself!
And that's it from the Brothers brothers. Don't shoot up, kids!
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