And now it's time for another informative lesson in teen-age jargon from our host, Cookie, here seen behaving like a responsible mid-century American teenager.
As an American teenager Cookie is well versed in all kinds of really confusing terminology, some of which make sense to us fifty years later, and some of which are utterly bewildering.
Is everything "george"? This sunny day is really "frampton!"
"Frampton?" Sorry, 50s teen, but the only "Frampton" we know of here in the future is the one with the number-one live album.
If only these kids had the benefit of noodly mid-70s rock, then maybe they wouldn't be so morose. Or maybe they would. Their problem stems from one universal to all teens - lack of access to the family car, meaning lack of access to all the fun things teenagers like to do, like sock hops or weenie roasts or bowling.
As we can see from the text, automobiles are expensive, as explained by the phrase "the geeta frate runs a coupla hundred pieces of gold!" Which sounds like a winning phrase from a session of Pig Latin Dungeons & Dragons, but who are we to judge the vagaries of teenage slang?
Jit has a great idea, however, and that's that these teens should dust off their old bicycles and start bicycling everywhere they want to go, with wienies and buns on the back to boot!
And merely by riding a bicycle indoors Jit shows all the teeners that freedom can be theirs. And then the soda jerk hollers at him to take that bike outside. But he made his point.
When their folks were teenagers, they all rode bikes, and they had some real gone, real frampton balls! Some REAL frampton balls, buster!
Don't be fooled by fake frampton ballbusters. Insist upon REAL frampton ballbusters! A public service message from the frampton ballbuster association of America
some real gone, real george teens solve the transportation AND recreation problem in one blow by the simple expedient of "bikes". Because when you had to bicycle five miles to get wherever it was you were going, you're too tired to do whatever it was you were going to do!
Big kisses for Jit, but noted local asshole Zoot plans, as usual, to steal Cookie's thunder and make it all about him... by cheating. The cad!
You gotta hand it to Zoot, he's sabotaging those racers McGuyver style, using only found objects!
It's all for naught, however, as Cookie succeeds through sheer grit and determination, and vows to use his bicycle money to... buy a car. Which is true to form for most teenagers, honestly.
But Cookie isn't the only teenager around, let's check in on some other teens and their other teen slang.
Wow, they just call that guy "Lardhead" like it don't mean nothin'! "Lardhead". You'd better be smiling if you call somebody that around where I grew up.
Luckily this strip takes our confusion into consideration and provides a handy guide to clue us in on the slang. "Tomato" means "Girl?" Who knew?
"Lardhead" is "mad for that jill" and wants her to be his "steady pash-pie." So it's time for a crash weight loss course! Mmm, pie.
He lost all that weight for a girl, a girl he knew almost nothing about, because if he knew anything at all about her, he'd know that she likes 'em big! Joke's on YOU, "Lardhead"!
You'll recall earlier in our story that the phrase "B.T.O." was tossed around casually, and no, we aren't talking about Bachman Turner Overdrive, we're talking about big time operators! Like here!
If only they could get a few buffalos to jingle in their jeans. That actually sounds kind of dirty. And how they get those buffaloes a-jinglin'? They flim-flam the next door neighbor into buying a baby carriage. Now that's what I call big-time operation!
Here's a question. Do you like screwballs in skirts? Do you even know what that is? Well then we have the comic for you!
Because if there's anything better than women in swimwear, it's STUPID women in swimwear, adorably goofing up for the entertainment of men. Hilarious! This fine publication is available at your newsstand or wherever patriarchal reinforcement is sold. Reinforce some today!
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