Are you ready to throw caution to the wind and to "Follow That Dream"?
Follow That Dream starring Elvis Presley and Anne Helm, the story of how "Florida Man" came to be and his dream of opening a gas station beside a highway! Follow That Dream, with... wait a minute, this isn't an Elvis movie, this is some UK girls comic story about mystery and romance and Morocco and a bus. That is quite a dream. Maybe lay off the chili dogs before bedtime.
Was that really me talking? Me, defending one of the most crazy and incompetent people ever from the Moroccan police? I guess the story of how I got into this crazy predicament will make for some exciting, page-filling UK girls comic action. I sure hope so, and so do the editors!
Ah, the glory days of vacation travel, when busloads of tourists would sign up to be driven around pretty much anywhere, by pretty much anybody, including a sketchy driver who seems to be having clandestine relations with the locals. What's he really up to? Well, it's 1975 Morocco, it probably involves weed.
Everywhere they go, young Jake Hammond is vanishing for up to a half-hour at a time! It's all very irregular, says Old Suspicious Lady, who paid good money to come on this tour and see the wonders of North Africa, but instead is obsessing over their driver and what exactly he's up to. Why don't you just follow him right into the men's room, you nosy old bat?
There he is again, talking to another Arab, giving him money. What is he up to? He's buying weed, lady. Or maybe the services of a child prostitute. Hmm, let's stick with weed.
Here Janet listens to her inner voice which tells her to "mind her own business." Meanwhile Mrs. Cathcart is all about the plumbing, that's why she came to Morocco, for their world-famous plumbing.
Janet can't help liking the only other person close to her age on this mysterious bus tour, but just look at this wacko and his bus navigation! They didn't even stop at Tahala, which is (checks Wikipedia for something funny to say about Tahala Morocco) a town in Taza Province, Fès-Meknès, Morocco, and according to the 2004 census it has a population of 25,655!!
Mrs Cathcart is totally on to Jake's drug-purchasing (if we're lucky!) adventures, but Janet isn't having any of that and warns Jake. "Why must people interfere in my affairs?" whines Jake. "All I'm doing is driving a busload of tourists aimlessly through a desert populated with (according to Wikipedia) Arab, Berber, or Gnawa peoples, in a nation that is, according to Wikipedia, the source of 80% of the cannabis that comes into Europe!"
Emo Bus Driver here knows his dark secret is beyond the understanding of these common tourists. Just let him haul dozens of helpless passengers around to mystery locations in peace, why don't you?
It's the final straw for Mrs Cathcart. Let's get the police involved! I'm sure they'll be really interested in the Case Of The Bus Driver Who Didn't Follow The Itinerary!
Look Janet, a guy stops the bus in the middle of nowhere and rushes off, he's probably got to take a major leak. Give him some space already!
Wow, turns out he wasn't taking a major leak, but was instead driving a busload of tourists around Morocco in an attempt to find his girlfriend from last summer! The girlfriend who made it very clear last summer that they were splitsville! Look closely and you can see the exact moment his achey, stalky heart breaks. Get a clue, pal.
People thought he was up to horrid things, but he was only inconveniencing dozens of tourists while stalking his ex like a crazy psycho stalker. That's all. You can't arrest anyone for that! Not here, anyway!
And Janet steps in and tells this complete total lie. Oh no, Jake wasn't stalking someone, JANET was stalking someone and Jake was just obeying her orders. That makes everything OK? No?
These last few days of wandering through the Moroccan countryside have made Janet realize she wasn't really alive before. I bet you weren't expecting that surprise twist zombie ending, were you?
And so Janet lands her dream guy, a hunky bus driver who mercilessly stalks anyone who rejects his love. On the other hand, it's 1975. There aren't a lot of British guys with jobs. Hang on to this one, Janet!
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