HEY KIDS COMICS!! Kids like comics, right? Or they used to I think? Why don't we try making comics for kids? Better still, why don't we get some people who have never actually met a child to make a comic for kids? And we'll call it...
The Gajit Gang! Because kids can't spell so it's cute, right? Also this was made in 1987 when Inspector Gadget was still very much a thing. And kids like reading about other kids, so we'll make this comic about... uh... big-headed, four-fingered homunculi. Anyway, you can see how exciting this comic is going to be by the dynamic action on the cover, so let's dive right in!
...but as you can see Rusty is an asshole who asks to borrow something then takes it anyway even when Mom says no. I'm not exactly sure what use a tiny, battery-powered blender is, though. Maybe he needs it for his MLM "business", Juicereeno or whatever.
No, he just wants to use its tiny little motor for his little car to pick up his little friends and go to their little biggest toybox in the world. Incidentally I don't think they literally have a toybox, just a clubhouse so don't get your hopes up about seeing that big toybox, OK?
Next we meet the other members of the Gang, starting with kid with glasses who is obviously the smart one. And his cat.
Next is the kid who pays for everything, with the apparent exception of Rusty's mom's blender.
Then the girl, who obviously is their fucking secretary because of course she is. With those brawny arms you'd think she'd be their muscle but I guess it's important to reinforce gender stereotypes early.
I gotta say, that little battery-powered blender is really doing an awesome job at bending the laws of physics and making their little car get ever bigger with each new member they pick up.
Man, how many hundreds of dollars' worth of Duotone board do you suppose they went through making this comic? Yikes.
And finally the fat kid, who serves the important function of being fat.
Oh, and here's their clubhouse, "the world's biggest toybox", which is a 15 x 10 room with an arcade video game console, a couple of... tilted shelves? Drafting tables?, and some random paper.
FINALLY, at the bottom of page 5, the Gang start their adventure... or... talk to a silhouette on a screen in preparation, one assumes, of getting ready to start their adventure.
"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to sit in a cluster and talk to a screen. I mean, rescue a princess".
What do you suppose the conversation was that led to this story being written? "Hey, let's do a kids' comic. OK, what should it be about? I dunno, they're like Our Gang and they, uh... (looks around room, sees Donkey Kong ad on the back of a copy of "Blip" magazine) ...rescue a princess."
lol girls are bitchy
It must take a massive act of will for her to stay stuck to that table It's at like a 75 degree angle and there's one strap around the widest part of her shoulders. One shrug and she'll slide right down to the floor. Maybe her back is covered in glue? The table is made of flypaper? I don't know.
Hmm... he became a super villain because his parents couldn't afford his health care. You'd think he'd become a champion of single payer but I guess kidnapping little girls pays better.
Hmmm, I wonder what clever plan Rusty has come up with? Does it involve loving Gundam? Like, carnally?
I dunno how old Beanie is supposed to be, but I feel like if he's old enough to walk on his own he can probably put together a few coherent words rather than babbling like an infant.
I also feel like having an angry, frightened cat thrown at your face would be problematic in ways completely independent of allergies.
And then they all died. The End.
PSYCH!!!! Nah, they're back for another exciting adventure! What's this one, preventing an assassination of a world leader? Stopping a terrorist attack on a major city? Rescuing survivors of a natural disaster??
Ooh, it looks like it's reality-bending modern art starting off with a David Lynch-esque doppleganger, or tulpa, rising from a sleeping Rusty and promptly getting punched in the nuts by a table (which is no doubt possessed by a BOB-esque demon from another dimension).
What the hell is even going on here. Don't they all live in different houses with their parents? Like we saw in the previous story? How does that kid fall sideways out of a window that is behind him? And what was going on with that noise in Ben Horne's office? What was the deal with his secretary and her dying husband anyway????
In other news, it appears they've run out of Duotone board.
Also, this isn't modern art, it's a 9-page story in which they tidy up their clubhouse.
Also also, peanut butter and donuts is definitely a real thing real people eat. What do they do, dunk the donuts into the peanut butter? I guess day old Dunkin Donut cake donuts might have the density and structural integrity to handle that, maybe.
OH HEY I guess they do have the world's biggest toy box! There it is, in the background there, partially obscured by their treehouse. That sure is a selling point of this comic, right there.
More importantly, they FINALLY get to the good stuff... sitting in a cluster looking at a screen discussing their trademark. Does he really say "gadget/gajit" out loud, which would sound like "gadget gadget"? Did they even mean to include this in the comic? Was this just notes between the writer and his editor that somehow got confused with the script? Was Sarah Palmer the girl who lived in the desert who had that weird insect thing crawl into her mouth? Where am I?
And so we leave our thrilling, action-packed Gang doing exactly what you'd expect.
COMING SOON: The Gajit Gang is stalked by a pedophile crayon.
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