For centuries the Catholic Church has been sending emissaries out into the world to educate the ignorant in the ways of the Gospels, towards their ultimate goal of filling the world with knuckle-smacking-sister staffed parochial schools and Knights Of Columbus halls on every corner. Yeah, we're on to your game, fellas. Naturally, as the most effective teaching tools known to man, comic books are of course a vital part of their education strategy! And what will these comic books educate us about? They'll tell us about what happens when these missionaries are sent out into the wider world of non-Catholic religious practices, when they inevitably encounter... PAGAN TERROR
Yes, deep in the heart of exotic, mysterious, pagan India, our brave Jesuit goes forth to confront whatever pagan terror may lurk in those seemingly innocent vegetarian meals. It could go either way, pal, so be wary.
High interest rates? Outrageous rents? Well, I suppose this is terror of a sort, I guess, and these people aren't Christians, so technically they're pagans, maybe? I guess calling this story "Pagan Economic Distress" wasn't thrilling enough.
Maybe economic insecurity doesn't inspire that much terror in the ten-year-olds this comic was aimed at. As a grownup, however, this is exactly the sort of terror that keeps us up at night, pagan or otherwise.
Here's some pagan terror for you, that pagan candle is about to melt your face off, Father! Look out!
Our brave Jesuit faces down that Pagan Terror and advocates for the poor in front of the court, which is English, as that's who was running India at the time. Next up: English Terror!
Just kidding. Here's a cobra! Now that's what I call terror!
Dying at 38? Yeah, that falls under the "terror" category too.
But the thought of snakes and an early grave won't deter these black-clad soldiers of Christ, determined as they are to bring civilization to the pagans!
Here we see the story of Bishop Walsh, who is NOT enjoying his backpacking trip OR his AirBnB. If he can find a wifi signal there's going to be some negative feedback, I can assure you!
The healthy spirit of Western competition comes to this Chinese backwater. Look out, pagan temples! There's a new deity in town!
Bishop Walsh faced almost insurmountable problems, like neighbors offering their strange foreign food, bystanders watching him write, and kids wandering in while he's praying. I don't know how he puts up with it!
Ham and eggs! Oh thank goodness. I don't know if I could have eaten another spider. They're so fattening!
Two, three thousand years of culture and tradition? They'll have to go, Mr. Haw. Look, this is how we handled it in Central and South America and that turned out great! Right?
Should these priceless handcrafted cultural artifacts be preserved in a museum or something? Nope, into the fire with 'em. Hey, while we've got this bonfire going, if you have any Beatles records or Dungeons & Dragons modules, just pitch 'em on in.
Nothing attracts a crowd like a good idol burning! Sure fellas, I'll baptize you into the holy church, but only if you bring your wives along. Because we're about eternal salvation AND tough negotiation practices here, that's what we're all about.
Say pal, that's almost a good Confucius joke there, but it needs a punchline. Keep workshopping it.
Sally, dizzy with hunger, turns to the camera and delivers a lecture about the pagan gods of Japan and their "New Tasting Festival" and how inferior it must be to our warm, rich, cranberry sauce filled traditions. The actual festival dates back thousands of years and is called "Niinamesai", but has largely been supplanted by "Labor Thanksgiving Day", in which citizens honor labor and workers. Odds are, however, that you won't be reading about *that* in a Catholic kid's comic that also published a story called "Red Victim."
Now enjoy your candy and roasted dumplings and give thanks that you are safe from... PAGAN TERROR
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