Blast off to the mysteries of unexplored worlds of the future where space rangers blast into exciting adventure on thrilling exotic planets! Or you can waste your time reading terrible comics. Well I think we know which one we're going with here.


"I'll accept your surrender... just as soon as I've finished zapping you a few more times!" That's the Space Rangers for you, always willing to get in a few extra zaps.


Humanities degree, meet engineering degree. Engineering degree, meet humanities degree. I'm sure you two will have a lot of fun saying the same exact thing in two different ways!


Two civilizations clash in the epic grandeur of outer space. Thrill to the tense diplomacy of star-spanning empires! "You buffoon!" "I'll paddle some manners into you!" "You stupid bully!"


And a blow for interstellar freedom is struck with one well-timed "splat"


Today in Space Ranger History, we learn that some of the rangers were into S&M.


Perhaps further observation is indicated to determine the exact degree of tricky and to which extent the rocking of rhymes may be expected.


Captain Buzzcut volunteers the whole Pompadour Squad to stay behind on the planet of Slappin' Babes! Will their supplies of Vitalis and Gillette Blue Blades hold up?


I'm not sure what's happening here, but I think the Earth fleet is obsessed with, and in fact paranoid about, their very own paranoia. I guess this is what happens when you select Space Rangers on the basis of their crippling psychological traumas.


Listen, scientist daughter lady, the Space Rangers are here because their computers told them planet KL 9 might attack Earth, they zapped anyone who tried to stop them, and they're staying here because of the ladies. Ladies like you. Unless you want to start the zapping again? We can do that if you like.


Suddenly the terrible artwork forces Captain Cullen to realize he's actually landed on the Planet Of The Apes. Woof!


Uh oh, it's awkwardly drawn swimming pool time for Captain Cullen - all part of a dastardly plot by KL 9's scientists, who have used every bit of their computing power to calculate the amazing fact that men are attracted to women in bathing outfits.


With speed and accuracy the crack Space Rangers deliver a powerful payload of woo-pitching to the dames of KL 9, with stunning success! Except for Bob down there in the last panel, who foolishly decided to wear his Space Bow Tie to the big date. His bad fashion sense makes the galaxy cry.


Fleet's in! Now it's time for the entire task force to embarrass themselves with poorly chosen fashion accessories!


And in a really confusing turn of events, made more confusing by a word balloon that seems to be pointing to the wrong person, the all-girl KL 9 revenge plot is revealed! Revealed and dismissed with in one panel, because I'm gonna be honest here, I think they were making this script up as they went along.


As we reach the climax of this pasted together collection of nonsense, there's a lot to unpack. First the awful artwork, which again gives us the copy of a copy of a copy of Planet Of The Apes girl. This story doesn't even bother - here's another thing- doesn't even bother to give her a name. We get the alpha-male 'come here baby' dialogue of Space Ranger, who goes in for the kiss even though it appears his wrist is broken, which is another win for the terrible artwork. And looming in the foreground is Space Ranger Marshal, who is pointlessly and confusingly drawn to almost exactly resemble Dr. Ull, the KL 9 scientist.


You want a REAL shock ending? This comic book, Mysteries Of Unexplored Worlds #43, was published in 1964. This means that in spite of printing the absolute worst comic books in North America, Charlton would CONTINUE to publish comics for another TWENTY TWO YEARS. There, gentlemen. There's your mystery!

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