Hey kids, what time is it? It's time for two of your favorite things, comic books and the Cub Scouts, to meet one of your LEAST favorite things, the dentist. Will this make regular checkups a little less stressful, or ruin comic books and the Cub Scouts forever? Let's find out.
All the fond memories of the Cub Scouts are coming back to me. The cap, the neckerchief with the little metal slide, the "Webelos" chant, the disembodied spirit with the giant toothbrush... all a part of that great Scouting childhood.
Boy, there's nothing kids like more than getting up early, putting on their Cub Scout uniform, and walking calmly to throw rocks at that abandoned warehouse over on Elm Street! Going to the DENTIST? Without an adult dragging them kicking and screaming? I don't think so.
Look kids, Charlie is having a great weekend with the folks out of the house, he stayed up late and watched TV all he wanted! Now he's sleeping in! Don't ruin his perfect weekend!
Well, I was worried about Charlie being unsupervised, because you really don't want to leave a ten year old kid alone in the house overnight. At some point he'll decide to attempt to cook breakfast, and there's no way that's gonna turn out well.
The glee with which Casper casually invades someone's privacy, well, that's something else I'm worried about.
Hey, some ghost in a Cub Scout hat starts drifting through my bedroom wall, I'm gonna be hollering GO AWAY too.
Invade someone's bedroom, invade someone's dream, it's all the same to Casper The Friendly Personal Space Invader.
Don't do it Charlie. They're probably orthodontists trying to upsell you on thousands of dollars in retainers and braces!
Careful! All in white - no hair - He's either famous household cleaner mascot character Mr. Clean or a Klansman with alopecia! Either way we're in trouble!
Casper is not a dentist, and if he was a dentist, he'd have to tell them. That's the law!
Whenever you reveal your identity as a Cub Scout you have to make that two-finger Cub Scout salute, or else it doesn't count.
Here's the thing, these tooth demons are merely part of the natural order! When you eat sugary snacks and forget to brush, you are literally opening your mouth, putting a welcome mat on your tongue, and hollering "COME AND GET IT" to all the tooth demons out there! So don't get mad at them. It's not their fault the universe is a harsh realm of eternal conflict. Don't hate the player, hate the game!
Dreaming about tooth demons is one thing, but dreaming about medicine cabinets? Charlie's subconscious is a fascinating place.
Fluoride toothpaste? No fair! That will sap our will, contaminate our bodily fluids, and leave us helpless against the Communists, according to Sterling Hayden in the role he's best remembered for today. Look it up kids.
That's right tooth demons, even the Cub Scouts are kicking your ass. Time to hang it up!
Okay kids, here's a secret: when it comes to tooth health, you can skip pretty much everything except for the brushing after every meal. I mean, the other stuff is good too, but exercise isn't going to affect your teeth much, unless you trip while jogging and smash a few of them in, which is not what we're going for here, I think.
Charlie's dreams are nothing but a parade of nightmare demons? At what point should we call a parent, clergy, Child Protective Services?
When you visit the dentist and they ask you if you floss, don't lie, because they can tell, believe me. However, I'm not sure if they can tell that you used dental floss to trip little nightmare demons, this may be one use of floss they can't visually detect.
"I know! I know you just had a dream with tooth demons and medicine cabinets and giant toothbrushes! Wanna hear something I don't know anything about? Boundaries! I don't know what the hell those are! Now go take a bath! I'll be right here! Watching!"
Luckily dreams all take place in fractions of a second due to the subjective nature of mental processes. This means the Cub Scouts haven't spent hours in the dentist's office leafing through Highlights Magazine, staring at the various drills, scrapers, and needles, feeling their dread and paranoia slowly increase until they are two seconds away from a full on Cub Scout meltdown. Hurry Charlie!
Charlie delivers the Good News Gospel about Tooth Demons to the assembled multitudes! Halleluia! Praise Fluoride!
Miss Smith, get out my reference book and get me the contact info for a good child psychologist, Charlie's parents phone number, and the name of a reliable exorcist! Gonna need all three today!
The American Dental Association Says "End The War In Viet Nam!" Let me explain, the dentist is making the Cub Scout salute which looks like the peace sign, which is a thing hippies did as sort of greeting and/or a signifier of their general pacifist mindset, and which became shorthand for 'stoned burnout' almost instantly, that's all I got with this one, brush your teeth kids, seriously, you can spend two minutes a day brushing your teeth now or spend twenty thousand dollars on expensive and painful dental work later, take your pick, it should be an easy choice, it doesn't take a ghost Cub Scout to figure this one out. See you in the chair, kids!
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