When that new guy or gal comes into our life, and we feel that first rush of endorphins and pheromones that signal the close proximity of a possible reproductive partner, how can we know for sure whether this new guy or gal is the RIGHT guy or gal? Or will this potential "dream date" turn out to be a dud? And if they are a dud, is there any way for us to know in advance and save ourselves the potential heartbreak, likelihood of pregnancy and its attendant problems, (see last Stupid Comics), and the possible social awkwardness and/or possible social diseases? The answer to this question is, of course, nope. And the sooner you and I and Patsy Walker learn this, the better!
Never before have you seen such dramatic emotion, such thrilling romance, and such daring marker defacement of a comic book that prices at upwards of fifty bucks! Did "Mack" learn too late that getting on the bad side of Patsy means a trip downtown in the back of a police car?
It's Stupid Comics fave Vince Colletta hard at work messing up the pencils of fellow Stupid Comics fave Al Hartley, as legendary comic book pitchman Stan Lee puts words in Patsy's mouth, words that no actual human being would ever say, words like "I'm glad I'm at the office an hour early!" Come on, Stan.
Uh oh, Patsy spots a prowler, and as we're still a good dozen years before Patsy could put on her Hellcat outfit and deliver a righteous beatdown, she's gotta call the cops. Don't strain yourself inking that telephone, Vince.
I hope you're proud of yourself Patsy, calling the law on what was at this point a mere criminal trespass! Just think, it could have been so much more - assault, felony theft, property destruction, the sky's the limit! Or at least the sky WAS the limit. Not any more, thanks Patsy.
And now Patsy feels guilty for snitching on this trespassing goof who broke into a newspaper office at six in the morning just to "look around?" Get real Patsy.
So apparently in Patsy World, you can refuse to press charges, but if you do, then YOU are now responsible for the criminal's good behavior. That to me sounds like an incentive to NEVER DROP ANY CHARGES EVER, but I ain't no lawyer, what do I know?
It's not every day I agree with professional wet blanket Hedy Wolfe, but I think she's absolutely correct here, Patsy is literally excusing crimes on account of they was done by this hunky male-type man right here, Your Honor, CASE DISMISSED!
Sure Patsy, take this complete stranger, about whom you know absolutely nothing, and show him all around your job where you work every day, and then drive him to your home where you live. Why not just show this serial killer where you keep all the ropes and knives while you're at it?
Mom Walker got the advance phone call so she's set another plate at dinner, she's got the .38 in her apron pocket, and Dad has 911 on the speed dial, or would, if "911" and "speed dial" had been invented yet. I guess he'll just have to settle for the baseball bat behind the kitchen door.
VINCE COLLETTA INKING TIP: foreground and background merge into one mystifying picture plane when you forget which character is supposed to be in front of the other, so you just jam 'em together at the elbows!
Dad, do you think I made a mistake asking Mr. Trent not to press charges, bringing this complete rude ungrateful criminal stranger into our home, and getting you to let him live in the garage apartment as if he was "The Fonz?" Because I think I did. Also, who's "The Fonz?"
Occasionally our Stupid Comics come to us made a little stupider by the marker-wielding fist of a previous owner, and this issue of Patsy Walker is no exception, as we see here.
Obviously whatever Patsy was wearing was SO FILTHY that the only obvious choice was to obscure it completely with black marker. Shame on you Al Hartley and/or Stan Lee!
Patsy's failure to mind her own business continues its rampage as she wakes determined to get Mac a job at the newspaper. Maybe Mac can handle the crime beat! Or maybe his specific background and employment history might point him in another direction. We'll never know, because we still don't know ANYTHING about this guy and this comic book is determined to NEVER TELL US.
And so, laughing in the face of a tight job market and Mac's total lack of journalistic or publishing experience, Mr. Trent does like he always does, which is whatever Patsy tells him to do. After all, the name of this comic isn't "The Prettiest Guy In Town, Mr. Trent!"
Did Patsy just change her entire outfit and her hairstyle the minute she got home? Maybe she stopped off at the beauty parlor on the way.
Glad to hear that work isn't as bad as this obvious career criminal thought it'd be. Maybe you'll learn to like the straight life after all, Mac. Just don't, you know, steal anything.
And it's dinner and dancing with this dashing mystery man. Patsy doesn't know where he comes from or what he did before he broke into the newspaper office, all she knows is the throbbing embrace of ecstacy sweeping her into a whirlwind of romance with ol' What's-his-name! Who lives in her house and works at her job, nothing weird about that
ERRRRRRRK and Patsy puts the brakes on that little smooch session with some sensible straight talk about how they still don't know each other well enough, maybe Mac could, you know, fill her in on where he grew up and went to high school, stuff like that, LOOK OUT FOR THAT MARKER BLEEDTHROUGH
The People's Morality Police are back in action covering up Hedy's shamelessly immodest garments with their government approved censorship markers. Hey, at least they didn't use razor blades.
Always trust your women's intuition, Patsy. It'll never steer you wrong! Why, already you're getting kissed by a stranger who lives in your house and works at your job, and maybe he's going to kill you and make a suit out of your skin, but then again, maybe he won't!
After all Patsy, you still know so little about him! Now Mr. Trent here, Mac's employer, well, he's got Mac's Social Security number, probably ran a background check on him, Trent probably knows all about Mac. But I guess he'll let Patsy find out about that dishonorable discharge for herself!
Meanwhile, that well-known stinker Hedy Wolfe gets the rumor mill spinning overtime as she begins a whisper campaign of slander and innuendo against Mac. Luckily, this kind of petty, small-minded office rumor-mongering only happens in a very few American offices - a very few MILLION, that is
The next day, the office is all a-twitter over how horrible it is that Patsy's become friendly with a thief (okay, trespasser, whatever) and how he lives in her house and kisses her sometimes and everybody seems to be OK with it. The office is also a-twitter over yet another hairdo for Patsy. I don't know why she feels the need to change her hairstyle every time some reader from Alameda or Hyde Park writes in and tells her to, but it's getting ridiculous!
And then it happens! Burglar alarm! Gunshots! Fringed collars! IT'S ALL HAPPENING!
Sometimes all it takes to turn tragedy into comedy is a big sack of cash labeled with a dollar sign. When's the last time you saw one of those? A "Nancy" strip from 1966? A Whitman "Beagle Boys" comic?
Why did he do it? Why did that rootless young man steal that giant sack of thousands and thousands of dollars? I guess no one will ever know. And now Patsy, please get ready to receive your award for Year's Most Foolish Female (against some stiff competition - remember, Liz Taylor married Richard Burton this year!)
Here comes Trent to make us all confused with his "explanation" - the cop that arrested Mac was actually a thief stealing the payroll and Mac stole the payroll from the fake cop, and then the REAL cops arrested the fake cop and maybe Mac but then they let him go. All part of a complex sting operation targeting that wave of newspaper payroll thefts committed by fake policemen.
One day Patsy, when Mac feels he's proven himself worthy of you, he'll return from wherever it is he's going. And then, he might tell you where he came from originally. Maybe. But until then Patsy will just have to trust her feminine intuition and latch on to the next hunky trespasser that busts his way into her heart and her job and her home!
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