From out of the blazing future of 1940 comes Planet Comics and their star SPURT HAMMOND, the unfortunately named star of a series of incredible outer-space adventures!!
Yes. SPURT HAMMOND. We weren't kidding.
Usually when the "spheroid" of your "astrograph" picks something up, it means a trip to the doctor. But for "Spurt" Hammond, it means an exciting adventure in outer space!! He can't sit idly by while beautiful girls are "siezed".
"Spurt" sees an amazing giant wreaking havoc on Mercury. Hmmm... who does that giant remind me of?
Oh yeah, God. It's God. Anyway, "Spurt" isn't afraid of William Blake swipes, he's off to the rescue!!
Leave it to "Spurt" to make a beeline for the chicks. This one was imprisoned when she refused to let her prime minister "experiment" on her "subjects". I guess that's what the kids are calling it these days.
The evil Radgio's plan to conquer Mercury is to use his machine that converts normal people into giant six-armed super robots. He does this in his laboratory, which is basically just a medieval dungeon full of naked people. That Radgio is some kind of twisted.
While investigating, "Spurt" and "Princess Zilla" are attacked by a giant naked man! I repeat, a giant naked man! Who is suddenly killed with giant bloody spikes through his sternum! This is why decent people regarded comic books as awful lurid trash. Because they were, in fact, awful lurid trash.
And remember, when "Spurt" is in charge, it means guys in skirts get beat up. I think "Spurt" could use some psychological counselling, myself.
It's outer space frontier justice tempered with the logical reasoning of a five year old!
And thus retribution is meted out to evil prime ministers who chain up princesses and turn naked men into giants and six-armed robots.
No, "Spurt"! Don't try to turn that six-armed robot back into a human! He'll only attack you, leaving you no choice but to ray him down, conveniently destroying the robot-making machine! Do you ever think, "Spurt", that you cause more problems than you solve? On the other hand, expecting introspection from a man named "Spurt" is probably asking too much.
You are safe now! Radgio will bother you no more! On the other hand, "SPURT" intends to bother you plenty! What are you doing Saturday night? Got any plans next month? How come you never answer my calls? I know you're home, I can see you through the window! You can't wash your hair EVERY night! What is it, my breath? What?
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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