DATELINE: 1942!! As America gears up to battle the "Jap-a-Nazis", our super-heroes are also enlisted to do their part!
The Human Torch - Submariner - and Captain America - together they will let no saboteur or spy hamper Uncle Sam's war effort.
Here we see the Human Torch and Toro as they get a first-hand look at some of the important mail-tampering and wiretapping that keeps America free.
Meanwhile across town Captain America and Bucky are face to face with Dr. Crime and his shrinking potion!
Luckily for Bucky, Dr. Crime falls victim to his own evil invention. Well, actually, he falls victim to a "hawk". Yeah, I know we don't have any photo reference for a hawk. Just fake it, okay? Nobody will notice.
In one of the more disturbing images from the Golden Age of Comics, Captain America takes a firm grasp of his "Bucky" as Spirit creator Will Eisner is captured by the FBI. Serves him right.
Just about this time somewhere in the Pacific, the Sub-Mariner is coming to grips with the imperialistic Japanese.
The Sub-Mariner is super strong and invulnerable, so he really didn't need to kill those people. This was back when the definition of "super hero" was closer in meaning to "wise-ass psychopath".
But the real star of our long-underwear anti-Nazi league is a guy in yellow long johns with a bird on his hat who runs real fast. That's right, make way for The Whizzer!
The Whizzer, faster than greased lightning! Sponsored by the American Society Of Urologists! And battling the heck out of those evil racist Nazis, because.. WHO THE HELL IS THAT??
Uh, that's... well, it's "Slow Motion" Jones, the Whizzer's valet, batman, indispensible aid, and, oh yeah, insulting racial stereotype. Because you see, the 40s stereotype is that all black people are shiftless and lazy! That contrasts with The Whizzer, who's fast! Wow! It's like the Odd Couple, only one's a demeaning, hateful insult and the other is a lame-ass Flash ripoff!
Is it really a one-man manhunt when you're carrying someone under your arm?
Here The Whizzer displays the kind of sharp deductive reasoning that you only get in the comics, where nobody uses band-aids and dirt on shoes is incontrovertible evidence of guilt.
Here The Whizzer displays some more sharp hero thinking as he runs into a glass wall and knocks himself out. "Slow Motion" Jones is not as lucky.
Luckily The Whizzer can move his body back and forth quickly. In later years this will come in handy for playing Dance Dance Revolution. Also dodging NAACP protesters.
AGAIN with that sharp detective type brain of The Whizzer! How DOES he do it?
Oh, "Slow Motion"... will you never cease being amazed at the speedy contrast The Whizzer brings to your slothful, unmotivated existence? Only "Further Adventures Of Whizzer In Next Month Issue" will tell!
Now you can buy Stupid Comics merchandise from the Mister Kitty Stupid Store, your One-Stop Stupid Shop!!
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