Let's take a trip back to the "good old days", before computers or video games or televisions or polio vaccine. Just how were we to pass the time between our 18 hour school days and our 36 hours of chores?
I know... let's stuff and mount the carcasses of dead animals!
This is an ad for a mail-order taxidermy school, hence the "all our students" blurb. Wonderfully enigmatic without that knowledge, isn't it? Listen as Pipe-Smoking Joe explains how blasting critters is lots more fun when you consider having lots of dead animals in the house, staring at you with their empty eyes, occasionally coming back to life thirsting for vengeance. Though that hardly ever happens when you use the right tools.
You can make real money by doing this work for others... like that Mr. Gein down the road, plenty of business from that fella. Want to keep it on the QT though, some folk might take it the wrong way.
So, conversations like the above-- concerning the use of dead animals in creating whimsical and/or humiliating scenarios for profit - these conversations are happening daily? Followed, no doubt, by conversations involving the phrases "who are you", "why are you telling me this", and "go away before I call the police."
Seriously though, let's check out some of those awesome novelties!
"Do you, Nutsy McCheekpockets, take Miss Chewly Gnawington to be your lawfully wedded squirrel?" I understand the honeymoon will take place on a giant pine cone smeared with peanut butter. Mmm-mmm.
Uh, yes, that's correct... teeny tiny boxing gloves. It's for... it's for, um, a project. Well, do you or DON'T you carry them? If you're just going to laugh, I will be forced to take my squirrel-mounting business elsewhere, thank you very much. Good DAY, sir!
Step one, catch and mount three good sized frogs. Step two, steal some doll furniture from your sister. Step three, whittle teeny tiny liquor bottles and glasses and cards. And a pipe. Step four, arrive at a soul-crushing revelation concerning the complete emptiness of your existence.
Step five: liquor.
So remember kids, don't let the fun of hunting run out like the life blood of that poor animal you've just blown away! Learn taxidermy, and be forever haunted by your mindless cruelty!
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